


Just my very best friend

by VladimirVampier



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Bad languages, Dark Thoughts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobic Language, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Swear Words, bananabussquad - Freeform, fluff then hurt then fluff again, hurtfull words, its all cute and fuffy, many emotions, mentions of hate against gay, supportive familymembers, supportive friends, then shit hits the fan, triggers for hate against homos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22846390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VladimirVampier/pseuds/VladimirVampier
Summary: Smitty and Kryoz have always been close and acting like a married couple. Their friends sometimes even said they were the same person. They did everything together, told each other how they were feeling and hang out constantly. Smitty never thought anything of it. But he had always been a bit oblivious to his own and other’s feelings. John quickly found out their relationship was changing, although he didn’t seem to mind. But then things happened and feelings changed. Will their friendship survive or will a rift come between them due to unrequited feelings…?-------A story filled with moments shared between them, varying in perspective (from Kryoz, to Smitty and back to Kryoz, etc.) and a slow build up to the final chapter.
Relationships: Anthony | ChilledChaos/Steven | ZeRoyalViking, Brock Barrus/Lauren Barrus, Cam | GoodGuyFitz/Toby | TobyontheTele, Chrissy | fissy/Scotty | fourzer0seven, Craig Thompson/Tyler | I AM WILDCAT, John | KryozGaming/SMii7Y, Marcel | BasicallyIdoWrk/Simone Olivia, Suggested
Comments: 29
Kudos: 139





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to a Krii7y story, my very first for this ship.
> 
> Kryoz= John   
> Smii7y= Smitty 
> 
> Remember, I wrote this from how I look at them, so it could be different from what you think of them or how you think they would react/act. This is from my point of view and it is after all, fiction.   
> It doesn’t have to be entirely like the real life (yay).
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story anyway, or at least give it a shot. I’d love to hear what you think of it.
> 
> About the story; I had this idea of writing about moments that happened with Smitty and Kryoz/John, little snippets of their lives, that led to a certain point (the ending/plot, so I won’t spoil). It’s in chronologic order, with maybe flashbacks. Also, some things weren’t set out to be included, they just happened when writing it (like the Christmas scene).
> 
> Warnings; this is about a homosexual relationship, between two men, if you don’t like that, I’d suggest you tap out. Also, there’s mention of hatred against gays. If this is triggering to you in any way, please be cautious. Its not too descriptive, but its there. (Also if you experience similar things, and want to talk about it or how it was to you, leave me a message. If talking helps, I am willing to listen)  
> Also, there’s going to be a lot of swearing. 
> 
> Otherwise it’s very fluffy and teeth-rotting sweet, with supportive people as well. 
> 
> About the author; English is not my first language and grammar is difficult (sentences can be written very differently from my own languages and it’s a struggle).  
> Most of the time I have a plan or a general story line set out, I just need to put the pieces together. It does happen that I’m stuck or unsure on how to proceed, making certain bits a bit awkward or slow. (Sorry bout that!) 
> 
> On to the story;

Maybe Smitty should’ve seen it coming.  
Maybe if Kryoz had noticed sooner.  
Smitty may have been able to prevent it.  
Kryoz may not have wanted to spend so much time with him.  
Maybe then, Smitty wouldn’t have felt his heart break.  
Maybe then, Kryoz wouldn’t have fallen in love.

But maybe…  
It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

/////////////////////////////////

“Did you see that?” Smitty half-yelled into his mic, eyes wide open and a smile on his face. Kryoz nodded his head, watching the other man on discord on his second monitor. His main monitor was displaying Fortnite and the words ‘#1 Victory royale!’ with Smitty’s character dancing underneath. John’s own character had been shot 5 minutes prior, he ended up watching Smitty win the round. He took a hit from his vape and said; “That was fucking clutch.” 

Smitty let out a breathless laugh. “That was so crazy, when that one guy build up and the other team gained on me and I was just by myself.” His hands moving animatedly as he talked. “And did you see how I hid in that bush? I fucking popped up out of nowhere and shot that guy!” 

Kryoz took a sip of his drink. It amused him how Smitty was so excited that he retold how he got his victory royale. “- And then I had to run but there was no way to go, because of the zone coming in. So I started to build- of course – and I couldn’t find that last person. Then out of nowhere! He’s behind me!” Smitty was twisting and turning in his chair as he spoke and John couldn’t help but smile. “Then I whipped around and shot him in the head,” Smitty sighed content, leaning back in his chair. John chuckled as he saw a dreamy look on the other’s face.

“You do know I saw all of that, because I was already dead.”

Smitty sat upright. “ Yeah, too bad you couldn’t clutch it with me,” he chuckled. John raised his eyebrow. “If I had been alive, it wouldn’t have been a true clutch tho.” Smitty let out a laugh and shook his head. “I guess you’re right.” John smiled. “I’m always right.” 

“Yeah, sure,” Smitty snorted softly,” Next thing you say is that you’re better at Fortnite then me.” John looked, as good as he could through a computer screen, into Smitty’s eyes. “You wanna go, tiny fucker?” Smitty smirked as he stared back. “Bring it bitch.”

They started a new round, boasting to each other who was better. Somehow it changed to telling the other they were better, instead of saying they themselves were the best. The argument died down quickly as they got shot within 10 minutes of the game. They both raged and ended up laughing their asses off as they started a new round. Karma was a bitch tho. They did need some more content for their videos. Besides, playing together was great fun; they didn’t want to do anything else anyway.

/////////////////////////////////

Smitty couldn’t remember a happier time than moving from his parent’s house in Canada, to the United Sates of America. Even better, he was going to live at the same place as Kryoz was. 

He had been talking about moving out with the other and John kept subtly hinting at the fairly new apartment block not to far from his home. He kept muttering thing like ‘it’s nice and not that expensive’ or ‘could always meet up, not that far away’. Smitty found it endearing. 

Smitty didn’t tell John that he had been searching them up, calculated his finances and made an offer on one of the apartments. He also didn’t tell him when he got a message that his offer was accepted and that he was trying to set it all straight so he could move in as fast as possible. He did however tell their good friend Craig, aka Miniladd, about his plans. Craig sounded very excited for him and Smitty just knew he was going to have great difficulty keeping it a secret.

Every time the topic of moving out came up in one of their usual discord calls, John asked if he knew where to. Smitty shrugged and said; “Close to you.” The thought alone made him smile. It’s safe to say he was excited to be living closer to John, one of his best friends, and be able to hang out so much more than they did now. Being able to see each other for real and not just through a screen. 

He just hoped John would be as excited as he was.

The fact that, on the day of the move, John stood waiting for his new apartment complex suggested he was. “Mini,” Smitty said, standing in front of John. A smirk was on John’s lips. “Mini,” he affirmed. Smitty sighed and shook his head. “I knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep his mouth shut,” he said, shrugging. “And you still told him,” John said, sounding accusatory and yet Smitty knew better. 

John never used a lot of words, closed up demeanour scaring off most people. But Smitty knew him better, could see through the apparent shield the other had pulled up over time. And sarcasm was also his expertise. 

Smitty felt a bit unsure on how John truly thought about the fact that he hadn’t told him anything, softly biting his lip and looking at the ground. “I’m sorry,” he said,” I wanted it to be a surprise.” John huffed as he uncrossed his arms. “If you really wanted it to be a surprise, you wouldn’t tell Mini,” he said, as he stepped closer to Smitty. 

John wrapped his arms around the other, hugging him close. He was delighted to finally have Smitty close to him. Smitty hugged him back, after dropping his suitcases, taking a deep breath. 

“Maybe that’s why I told him,” Smitty said. John pulled back to look him in the eyes, noticing the small grin. “You wanted him to tell me.” Smitty’s grin grew. “So that he would spill the beans, you secretly wanted me to be here when you arrived.” Smitty chuckled. “Well, I hoped you’d be here,” he said, slightly bashful. “Did you really predict Mini not being able to keep your secrets and that he would tell me?” John asked slightly unbelievable. Smitty’s eyes twinkled with joy.

“I am the prediction master.” 

John laughed and pulled him in for another hug. “You crazy bastard,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m really happy you are here tho,” Smitty said in a more serious note,” I’m not looking forward to unpacking everything, I could use some help.” John raised his eyebrow at him. “After the stunt you pulled? Hell no. You’re on your own, mister.”

Smitty froze slightly, pulling out of the hug. A slight worried look flashed over John’s face as he looked at the other. He didn’t like the guilt-ridden look on Smitty’s face. “Hey,” he said softly,” You know I’m just kidding. Of course I’ll help you.” 

He let go of Smitty after seeing the small smile on his face. “I’d be a pretty shitty friend if I didn’t,” he said as he hoisted the other’s suitcase up and began to walk towards the entrance. He suddenly felt arms wrap around him from behind for a moment, before they disappeared again. “You’re not a shitty friend,” Smitty said, beaming a smile John’s way,” You are the best friend I could’ve asked for.” 

John stared at his face in wonder. He didn’t mind having that title, he could get used to that. ‘Smitty’s best friend’  
“Well, don’t just stand there,” John huffed, adjusting the suitcases,” open that damn door.” Smitty chuckled embarrassedly and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. On it was the main door key code. Smitty punched in the code on the keypad next to the door. 1473.

“You know you’ve must remember that code from now on,” John said as he let Smitty enter first after the door beeped and unlocked. “You do as well,” he responded,” and if I ever forget, I’m calling you for help.” John rolled his eyes. Smitty took one suitcase from him as they took the stairs. “Which one is it even?” John complained after 3 sets of stairs. “Almost there,” Smitty said,” its number 402, which means 4th floor, second apartment.” John let out a loud groan, which echoed through the stairwell. “C’mon you big baby,” Smitty laughed and continued upstairs. 

Once they were at the right door, a small golden 402 attached to it, Smitty slid the key into its lock and turned. With a click, they were granted access to Smitty’s new home. And he couldn’t wait to explore the place. The living room was almost filled up with moving boxes that had been send in advance, granted the room was not that big.

“Hmm, spacious,” John hummed, placing down the suitcase on an empty spot. Smitty threw himself on the couch, feeling the soreness of traveling weighing him down. “Hey, don’t fall asleep, there’s enough to be done,” John said, prodding him in the side. Smitty swatted his hand away. “I need a break and maybe a powernap,” he groaned. 

John poked him again. “What you need is a good cup of coffee and some energy bars.” Out of curiosity he stared to look inside some boxes that stood nearby. “Can you not look through my stuff?” Smitty laughed. John shrugged and took a box labelled ‘kitchen stuff, knives etc.’ towards the small kitchen space. “Hey, stop that,” Smitty ordered, sitting up straight,” Don’t do my work.” John walked back over to him. “How about you help me then?” he said with a small smile on his face. Smitty pouted, but knew he had no choice. 

“Come on,” John said, sticking his hand out to help the other up,” Once we’ve finished a couple, I’ll take you to a little café where they have great coffee and even greater milkshakes.” Smitty smiled, he’d liked that. Before he reached for a box to open he remembered the second house key on the key ring he got. “Oh, here, before I forget” he said and pulled it out of his pocket, removing the spare key. He handed the key to John, who looked at him questioning. “ I know you’re gonna want to bother me, so I better give you the spare key so I don’t have to get up and let you in the whole time,” he explained with a deadpanned look. John started to laugh. 

“You know me too well.”  
“You betcha I do!”


	2. Chapter 2

Smitty was at John’s place, where he almost always was. Even tho his new apartment had been furnished, boxes unpacked and everything decorated, it still was missing something. Smitty just didn’t know what it was missing, no matter how hard he thought about it.

That’s why he found himself at John’s home again. The man was lying on his bed, taking a drag from his vape. He blew the smoke towards Smitty’s face, as he lay next to him. Smitty didn’t react, just staring at the ceiling. Neither of them spoke, enjoying the silence. When John went to take another drag, Smitty plucked the vape from his hands and began to study it. 

John sat up slightly, leaning on his elbow, looking at the other playing with his vape. Smitty could feel eyes on him as he moved his fingers over the side of the vape. As he was satisfied with his find, he handed the vape back to its owner. John silently took it and put it in his back pocket, all while still looking at Smitty. He smiled as they locked eyes.

Smitty snuggled closer to John and closed his eyes. He couldn’t help it, he liked the warmth the other gave off. He suddenly felt fingers softly stroking through his hair, the telltale cold of rings against his scalp. He sighed content, relaxing even more.

Smitty realise he liked laying there, next to John, being able to feel the sweater he was wearing and smell the slight smell of pinecones. The fingers massaging his head were a nice plus. He suddenly got an idea. Opening his eyes, he moved his head to look at John. 

“Can I try on your clothes?” 

The fingers in his hair stopped and he swore he could hear John’s breath stop for a second. John’s expression didn’t change, calm and relaxed. Although one eyebrow rose in question as he half shrugged. “Sure. Why not?” 

Smitty felt slightly disappointed at losing the fingers in his hair, as John pulled back. He simply rolled over the other and off the bed, making John groan. Laughing, Smitty crossed the room to John’s closet. He started pulling out various items of clothing, commenting on his finds. John didn’t react much as he scrolled through Twitter.

A chuckle escaped Smitty’s lips as he pulled out the red, yellow and blue hoodie. He pulled his own off and John’s on, looking in the mirror besides the closet. John looked up from his phone, hearing the other chuckle softly to himself. He felt his heart pick up speed as he recognised his signature hoodie. It was his favourite, but somehow, as he looked at his best friend wearing it, he loved it even more.

“You look like a smoll bean,” John said, blurting it out without thinking too much about it. Smitty turned towards him, faking being insulted. “This meme boi aint no small bean,” he said, crossing his arms,” Besides, you’re not that much bigger than me.” John chuckled, looking back at his phone again. Smitty looked at himself in the mirror again, before taking the hoodie off and putting it back in its place. 

Next, he pulled out a reddish orange floral shirt. He recognised it, John had worn it in a Try not to laugh video with Miniladd and KugoTheMighty. Smitty liked that video a lot. He always enjoyed seeing his friends messing around and having fun. He smiled softly to himself. 

“You want to try that one?” John asked, pulling Smitty from his thoughts. John had studied the other as he had been staring at the shirt full of floral patterns. Smitty shook his head. “No, I like this one better on you,” he said. John stood from the bed and walked over to him. 

After some rummaging through the closet, he pulled out a dark blue shirt with a white tropical flower pattern. “Here, try this one,” he said and handed it to Smitty. The other took the shirt from him, pulling his current shirt off. He pretended that John wasn’t looking at him and quickly pulled on the other shirt. He turned his back towards John and studied himself in the mirror.

Huh, he could actually pull off a flower print. Who knew?

He looked up to see John’s expression in the mirror. He somehow wasn’t ready for the small smile on the other’s face or the intense look in his eyes. He quickly lowered his gaze. 

“It looks good on you,” John said softly,” You should keep it.” Smitty turned around, looking at John as he walked back towards the bed. “For real?” John hummed. “ Yeah, I never wore it anyway.” What John wasn’t saying was that he liked it better the way Smitty looked in it. “Thanks.” What Smitty wasn’t saying was that he didn’t mind having a piece of John with him. 

“No problem,” John said,” Now put on something comfy and come here.” Smitty pulled out some of John’s sweatpants, pulling them on and his own sweater before joining John back on the bed. They looked at each other and simultaneously said; “Movie?”

As they laughed, John grabbed the remote and activated the TV on the opposite wall. “Movie it is,” he said and slung an arm around Smitty’s shoulders. As Smitty snuggled closer to John, it suddenly hit him. What he had been missing at his apartment, although he had been there for months now. What he had been missing was a sense of home.

John felt like home.

//////////////////////////////

“Your nail polish is chipped.”

Smitty held John’s hand in his. The other shrugged, putting the controller down. They had been playing some Call of Duty 3 on John’s Xbox, before Smitty had randomly grabbed John’s hand. 

“It’s a shame, you should apply a new one,” Smitty said as he dropped John’s hand and picked up his forgotten controller. John hummed as he resumed the game, instantly sniping an enemy. Their attention was back on the game again as the round ended and a new one began.

Smitty was busy landing headshots on people in game when John spoke up. “Why don’t you do it?” He couldn’t help the chuckle that left his lips as he watched from the corners of his eyes how Smitty’s expression changed from concentration to surprise, almost biting on his own tongue.

“I may?”

John chuckled again, nailing a knife kill in the progress. He could practically feel the excitement radiating off of Smitty. He knew the other had always wanted to paint his nails, he once mentioned it during one of their Skype calls. Back when they lived far apart and rarely saw each other. Smitty had claimed John was ‘pretty cool’ for painting his nails and not giving a shit what other people thought about it. He claimed that he would start painting his nails as well, but he never got around to it. 

“You may.”

Smitty dropped his controller and got up from the floor. “Where do you keep your shit?” he asked, looking around John’s room. “Cabinet in the corner, second drawer,” John said, getting shot by another player, which ended the round. Smitty opened said drawer and rummaged through it, selecting different colours nail polish. “Don’t forget the nail polish remover,” John said, watching him grab all the stuff.

As Smitty returned with all the stuff, John shut off the Xbox and put the controllers in their holder. Upon seeing the colours Smitty had chosen, he let out a laugh. “What?” Smitty asked, amusement in his voice and an eyebrow raised. “Of course you had to go with red and blue,” John said, shaking his head. “Yeah, though they are too dark, I wanted a brighter shade,” Smitty said and grabbed one of John’s hands and removing the remaining nail polish. 

“I like the dark colours,” John said. “I know,” Smitty said, picking the blue nail polish first,” but you could use some bright colours in your life.” He carefully painted all but one fingers on John’s left hand. He left the ring finger bare. To be honest, in John’s case almost all his fingers were ring fingers. 

“I have you,” John said softly as Smitty moved on to his right hand. “Hmm?” He repeated the action with the dark red colour. “You said I could use some bright colours, but I already got you to brighten up my day.” Smitty gave him a deadpanned look, but John could see red on his cheeks. 

“Shush up,” Smitty said. “Shush up?” John asked cheeky. “Been hanging around Delirious too much,” Smitty muttered, painting the ring finger on John’s right hand red and the other one blue. Once he was done, John kept his hands in front of him, letting his nails dry. Smitty was staring at John’s nails, pondering.

“I think you did a good job,” John said. Smitty hums. “You were actually being pretty careful,” John continued,” then again, when are you not careful with me.” Smitty rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly. They looked each other in the eyes for a moment, before John began wiggling his fingers. 

“Wait, what time is it?” Smitty asked all of a sudden. “Uhm,” John said, making sure his nails were dry, before taking out his phone,” Around 5? Why?” Smitty sighed and got up. “I’ve must go, still got some groceries to do, then cook dinner and actually eat it” Smitty explained. “You can stay for dinner, stores are open till 8,” John said, getting up as well. Smitty shook his head. “What? Afraid I’ll fucking poison your food?” John asked, squinting his eyes. “It’s not that,” Smitty said laughing,” But we agreed to play with Fitz and Toby tonight, remember?” John looked confused for a second. Then a light went off above his head, figuratively speaking.

“Oh. Right.”

Smitty smiled. “You can stop by tomorrow if you miss me too much,” he said with a cheeky smile. “I wouldn’t miss you, bitch,” John said without missing a beat. “Me neither, asshole,” Smitty replied before quickly hugging John. The other held him close for a moment. “Talk to you tonight,” Smitty said as he let go and walked towards the door. John smiled as he started his Xbox back up.

John was smiling again as he arrived at Smitty’s place the next day, getting in with the spare key he got from the owner. He smiled even wider when Smitty proudly showed off his fingernails, which were now sporting colour. The same colours as John’s, but a much brighter shade. 

He loved it.

John kept Smitty’s hand in his, pretending to study the nail polish. As Smitty started to rant about how many kinds of nail polish there were and how the cashier kept asking if he was buying it for his ‘girlfriend’, John kept holding his hand. He was happy Smitty choose bright colours.

John had always been dark, edgy and sometimes sombre. Smitty was bright, positive and happy. John knew that he had shadows, dark clouds hovering over him. But in that moment he realised, that shadows could disappear if a light shone bright. He needed light to cast away his shadows. He needed that bright life in his life. He realised, that in his life, he need only one light.

John needed Smitty.


	3. Chapter 3

For the last couple of months, every time Smitty opened the door, John had greeted with a different nickname each time. Even tho the man had a spare key, he liked to force Smitty to open the door, by ringing the bell constantly. “Hello Smyti” or “Sup Smitt”. Or something along the lines of Smeet, Smotty, Smarty, Smeezy and his personal favourite; Smithers.

He had been seeing John so much, it was hard to imagine life without him. Sadly, he had to be reminded of the time where all they could do was talk through discord, when John had to leave to visit family. John came to visit him and told him his grandfather wasn’t doing well, so he would be leaving.

Smitty looked worried at his friend and asked if he was okay. “I just… wished I could take you with me,” John said,” I don’t like to leave you alone so sudden.” Or at all, he thought. “I would love to meet your family, just not this time,” Smitty said, smiling softly,” They need you now. And who knows? Maybe in the future I get to meet the people who raised such a wonderful man.”

John looked him in the eyes, cheeks dusted pink. “You would want to...?” Smitty laughed and hugged John. “Of course!” They hugged each other for a moment, before Smitty spoke up. “You need to go and pack your stuff, the sooner you see them, the better.”

He was almost afraid to let John go, especially since he seemed to hesitate as well. “Yeah,” John sighed and released the other,” I’ll see you soon.” Smitty smiled sadly as John walked towards the door. “We’ll play together,” he said. John smiled as he turned towards his friend. “I won’t be to far away.” He tugged the other man closer to him and pressed a kiss against his forehead. “Now get that worried frown off your face, you’re getting wrinkles,” he said, smiling. 

“Call me if you need me.” Smitty nodded, cheeks burning and sad expression on his face. “Stay safe.” He muttered as John gave him a final smile and walked out the door. He left a still slightly blushing Smitty behind, who could already feel the loneliness creeping up on him.

That had been a week and a half ago. Now they were recording a video together with Smitty, Miniladd, BigJigglyPanda, Vanoss, DaithiTheNogla and IAmWildcat. Skribbl.io.

John needed some extra footage for videos, nothing to complicated and easy to process for his old record set-up. His grandfather sadly passed away, making John stick around until the funeral had passed. His mother kept his old recording stuff in a box, so he was able to make some extra videos for YouTube.

In between condolences from other family members and friends, helping out around the house, paying visits and spending time with his family, he barely had time to speak to his friends. To be able to play a mind-numbing game with them had him feeling happy and more relaxed than he had been. 

Smitty was currently drawing, giggling to himself as he was trying to depict the word with a virtual pencil and virtual paper. Of course, Kryoz got it first. Somehow, to the protest of the others, he got the answer out of some weird lines, stick figures and scribbled words that no one understood. 

Smitty couldn’t finish the drawing, he was laughing to hard. The time ran out and Mini shouted out in rage as it turned out the word had to be ‘ Lion King’. “How the fuck did Kryoz get that?” Vanoss asked in amazement. John chuckled. “He knows me!” Smitty said, laughing loudly. “Yeah, no. There was no way to get that,” Panda said. “What even were those weird scribbles on top?” Nogla asked. “It was the song!” 

It was silent for a moment before Tyler loudly exclaimed how stupid it was and the others laughed, Panda wheezing loudly. Smitty didn’t feel sorry for his weird ass drawing. As Kryoz choose the next word, he chuckled to himself. “Okay guys,” he said,” for this one, use your imagination.” 

The screen stayed blank.   
The dots on top of the blank canvas showing 11 in total.  
Thoughts were running.

Ding!  
Smitty guessed the word.

Smitty felt the laugh bubble up and he couldn’t help himself, almost wheezing as he realised what John had done. Mini wasn’t far behind, guessing the words. “W-what?!” Panda yelled. John started laughing as well, almost rolling off of his chair. The others were left in confusion, before more dings sounded and some others guessed it as well, starting to laugh. “What? What is it?” Vanoss asked, feeling very confused. Then Tyler guessed it as well, roaring in laughter. Evan didn’t guess the word in time, making him laugh as it showed him the word was supposed to be ‘imagination’. The round ended, IAmWildcat was the winner and their laughter slowly died down. 

As everyone was making sure the recording was okay, Tyler asked: “So, are you all coming to my 4th of July party?” He had already made a group-chat about it, to know who was coming and discuss sleeping arrangements. “Yeah, I’m actually leaving pretty soon,” Miniladd said,” I’m making a bit of a road trip off it for me.” Tyler nodded as Mini gave him a questioning look through the camera. “I’m heading out soon too,” BigJigglyPanda said,” I’ve still gotta pack my stuff.”

“I won’t be able to make it, sorry guys, have fun tho!” Nogla said chipper. “Who knows, maybe next year,” Tyler said. Nogla nodded then said his goodbye, he needed to feed Joe and Tony. “I’m technically not an American, but I’ll still come,” Evan said, with a grin on his face. “Damn right you are, I’m not going to be the only Canadian surrounded by Americans,” Smitty said laughing. He felt happy, they were about to get together again and hang out. He loved hanging out with his friends.

“Scotty and Chrissy will be there as well, and that’s everyone,” Tyler said, thinking for a moment. “We should definitely film something once we’re together,” John said suddenly, after being silent for a while. “I take it you will join us then?” Tyler asked. They were aware of the current family situation John was in. “Yeah, I will be there. But I’ll be leaving straight from here, that way I can make it in time,” he explained. 

Smitty tried not to sigh. That would mean he wouldn’t be able to see John until the party. He wished time would go a little bit faster. “That’s great to hear,” Tyler said,” but take your time John. We’ll be waiting for you.” Th others made an agreeing noise and said their goodbyes. 

And soon it was just the two best friends lone in the call. They were silent as they both did some editing and other things. John was looking up plane tickets and Smitty cursed his editing program, this time it didn’t even want to start up. It almost felt like the old days were they would do the same thing, both busy with their own thing, comfortable silence as they worked. 

Smitty looked up at his second screen, where he could see John through his camera as he heard a door open. A woman’s head poked through the gap in the door, dark curls framing her face, thin lips in a smile. “John, sweetie? Are you done playing with your friends?” 

It wasn’t hard to guess whom the woman was, her nose reminded Smitty of John’s. “Hey mom. Yeah, I’m just about done,” John, said, taking his headphones off and turning towards her. She opened the door entirely and stepped through. “Oh good. Your father could really use your help with the sink downstairs, it’s clogged again,” she said as she walked closer towards him. “Oh and your sister asked if you could walk the dog, the poor thing really needs to go outside and you could do with some sunlight as well.” John nodded. “I’ll be right down,” he said, turning slightly back towards the computer screen.

In that moment his mother’s eyes fell upon the monitor, spotting the brown-headed boy on the other side of the on-going call. “Who’s that?” John looked slightly surprised from his mom to the screen she was intently looking at. He had almost forgotten Smitty was still there. He ignored the slight pang of guilt and pulled out his headphones, turning the volume up. 

Smitty had been quiet as he studied the two family members interacting with each other. “Hey John’s mom, I’m Jaren,” he introduced himself, with a small wave,” I’m one of John’s friends he plays games with.” John’s mother seemed to think for a moment, before her eyes lit up. 

“Wait, are you that Smitty boy John keeps talking about?” There was a smile on her face as she realised that this was indeed that boy. “Uhm, yes, I am, ma’am” Smitty answered unsure. He started fidgeting with the cord of his headphones. “How are you doing sweetie?” she asked, practically pushing John away from the computer to see the other boy better. John had been silently cursing his luck, but let out an undignified ‘Hey!’ as he was shoved aside. 

He could barely see the monitor now and he felt slightly afraid to what more his mother might say. Only slightly. “I’m doing okay ma’am, my condolences for your loss,” Smitty said. “Thank you,” the woman said with a small smile,” That’s very kind of you. My son said you were always kind to him, thank you for that.”

Smitty was unsure on how to react to that. The cord in his hands got all tangled up, the more he fidgeted with it. “He seems more happy now that you live close to him. He’s so excited every time he talks about you,” she said. John was slightly freaking out. Only slightly. “Mom,” he whined. He got ignored as if he wasn’t in the same room as she continued to embarrass him. 

“Of course, he doesn’t call me nearly enough,” she said,” and when he finally does, all he talks about is how amazing you are.” Smitty was positive his face was beet red by now. He still didn’t know how to react and unsure what to do with the information given to him. He’d process it many, many months later. “I see why he speaks so highly of you,” she continued, unaware of the awkwardness streaming off of both men,” You are really cute-”  
“Mom!”  
John had decided that that was the moment he was done with all the embarrassment. Leave it up to his mother to do that in front of his friend. He was just happy the others hadn’t still been online. “I’ll be right down to help you,” John said, rolling his eyes as his mother moved out of the way. “Now leave.”

His mother laughed as she walked towards the door. “Okay, honey. I’ll go warn your dad,” she said, and then winked. “Bye Smitty!” she called and out the door she went. Smitty let out a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding. His sigh of relief turning into soft giggles as he looked at the bewildered look on John’s face. Poor man was probably traumatised now. 

“Your mom is a lovely woman,” Smitty said, trying to stifle his laughs. “If you says so,” John said shrugging,” You okay tho?” Smitty nodded. It had to be more embarrassing for the other than for him. He held up his hands to show the cable intertwined with his fingers. John chuckled.

“You shouldn’t do that when you’re nervous.” Smitty shrugged as he started to untangle himself. “I can’t help it…” John shook his head. “It’s just a nervous twitch, not the end of the world.” A small grin appeared on Smitty’s lips. “Not unlike a mother spilling all my deepest secrets.”

John groaned and covered his face in his hands. “Let’s forget about that, shall we?” He groaned again. He still couldn’t believe his mother had done that. “Yeah, forget about it and go walk the dog, soak in some sunshine,” Smitty said, sticking his tongue out. John just shook his head as the other laughed at him. 

Unknowns to them, his mother hadn’t exactly left. She stood next to the slightly ajar door. Thanks to John not plugging his headphones back in, she could hear everything being said. She smiled to herself, then decided to leave down the stairs, not wanting to be caught red-handed eaves dropping on her son and his ‘best friend’. And as she walked away, she could still hear them softly talk to each other.

“Hey Smithers?”  
“Yeah?”  
“I miss you.”

“…I miss you too.”


	4. Chapter 4

It had been days without seeing him, without speaking to him, even tho they texted, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same as actually being able to touch the other, to hold him or to see his smile directed at him. 

John was practically vibrating with excitement. He got pulled from his thoughts as Tyler’s booming laugh sounded and he realised everyone was staring at him. 

“What?”

An eyebrow rose as he stared back at the others, as they started laughing. “I asked if you were excited to see everybody again,” Miniladd explained,” But I guess only one person matters.” A grin appeared on Mini’s face, before a pillow, thrown by Scotty, replaced it. Mini threw it right back at the man. Chrissy expertly caught it out of the air, before slapping a smug looking Scotty with it. 

“Hey!” the man yelled, feeling betrayed by his own girlfriend. “Leave him alone,” she scolded them, before turning her attention to John,” It’s totally okay to be excited to see your best friend.” John decided to ignore them all, he didn’t have time to listen to them. Even tho he appreciated the support of Chrissy, she was nice. 

He was busy waiting for his best friend, who had to be last to arrive as always. Why had he come so early again? He couldn’t concentrate on anyone’s conversations as Smitty’s suggested arrival time drew near. He chose to play games on his phone and scroll through Twitter. 

John was one of the first guests to arrive, which he didn’t really mind. He helped Tyler with the finishing touches, setting out food. Then, when BigJigglyPanda arrived, he helped set out the fireworks. As more and more friends arrived, there was less work to do. The less work John could do, the more time he had to think. More time to think, meant more opportunities for his thoughts to lead him back to Smitty. 

He was once again pulled from his thoughts as the doorbell rang. Tyler, who was still standing, went to the hallway. “I got it,” he called. Out of the corner of his eyes, John could see Mini wiggling his eyebrows at him. He rolled his eyes. As the door opened, John’s head practically shot up to see who it was.

His excitement diminished as he saw it was the other Canadian. He had nothing against Evan, nothing at all. He was an amazing guy, even if he was a bit of a trickster, especially in games. He was even worse when you paired the owl with the clown. It reminded him of himself and Smitty. Same kind of humour, favourite games to play, it just clicked together. 

Vanoss and Delirious were both great on their own, but when they were together, oh boy, they were amazing. Joined at the hip, although worlds apart. John was happy that he at least had met his friend face-to-face, let alone he lived nearby. His thoughts were once again interrupted and he decided it was best not to space out anymore. 

“I asked if you were alright,” Evan said with a kind smile. John nodded his head, only now realising the Canadian said down beside him. “Yeah,” he muttered,” Just thinking.” Evan gave him a smile and opened his mouth to say something, but got interrupted by Scotty yelling; “Thinking of Smitty, I bet!”

Evan looked from Scotty back to John, noticing the slight colour on the other’s cheeks. “Riiiight,” he drawled out,” No wonder you looked so disappointed when I walked into the room.” He laughed as he saw the guilty look appear on John’s face. “It’s okay,” the Canadian said before John could apologize,” I understand.”

And somehow, in the well-knowing look on Evan’s face, John realised that the other understood him completely. It brought a strange sense of relief. As if he wasn’t the only one. He just didn’t know of what. While he was busy with his inner turmoil, the doorbell rang again. 

Tyler gave John a smirk as he said,” I’ll get it.” And walked through the door to the hall. Evan gave John another smile before he leaned back, crossing his arms. The door opened and Tyler walked through, followed by a pretty tired looking Smitty. 

As their eyes met, the tiredness on Smitty’s face disappeared and got replaced by a blinding smile. Before John had gotten of the couch completely, his arms were full of Smitty, his vision obscured by a mop of brown hair. “I missed you, slut,” John muttered. “I missed you too, fucktard.”

They laughed and let go of each other. John sat back down as Smitty went to greet the rest, hugging the other Canadian. As he watched Smitty hug everyone in the room, John let his thoughts wander once more. Evan, much like himself, wasn’t a touchy-feely kind of guy. Personal space much appreciated. In case of his friends, he didn’t mind the hugs or arms and hands in his. With strangers, it was a whole different level.

Smitty on the other hand, liked warm hugs and friendly touches. It gave him a grounded feeling, to know they were really there beside him. He liked the attention and affection of others. It was hard not to hug the younger man back, or to reciprocate when he was showering them with affection.

Smitty had no trouble squeezing himself in between Evan and John on the two-seater. “Great,” Tyler said, clapping his hands to gain everyone’s attention,” Now that we’re all here, we get to discuss the sleeping arrangements.” He paused for a moment. “I, of course, will be sleeping in my own king-sized bed in the master bedroom-” Anthony huffed a laugh. “- furthermore, there’s a room with one one-person bed, 2 rooms with 2 person beds and there’s the couch-” He pointed at the couch Scotty, Chrissy and Craig were sitting on. “-and a air-mattress you can blow up and place on the floor.”

“I’d like to take the one person bed, if you all don’t mind,” Miniladd said,” I get back problems easily.” Scotty shrugged and said,” I don’t mind. But I’m claiming a 2 person bed for me and Chrissy.” Tyler laughed. “Yeah, we figured,” Anthony said. Scotty shrugged again, a smug grin on his face, earning him a soft slap from Chrissy on the shoulder. 

Smitty turned to Evan with a stern look on his face. “You better not take the couch, young man.” Evan looked slightly offended. “Nah, I’m taking the air-mattress,” he said. “I claim the couch!” Panda yelled. Smitty frowned. “Who knows, maybe I’ll cuddle up to the panda on the couch,” Evan said, winking at the bearded man, who let out a wheezy laugh. “You better actually sleep, night owl,” Smitty threatened. Both Evan and Anthony held up their hands in surrender. “Don’t worry, I’ll make him sleep,” Panda said. 

It was silent for a moment, before they started to laugh. “That sounded so oddly sexual,” Tyler laughed. “Ohm would be proud of you sir Jigglesworth,” Mini added as he tried to wipe away the tears of laughter. “Ohh yess,” John started to moan obscenely,” Take me to bed, make me sleep, daddy~” Smitty, who had managed to stop laughing, let out a startled laugh. John joined in the laughter. He didn’t give two shits about whom he shared a bed with, it wasn’t the first time he had and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. However, it was new to him that he had a certain favourite to sleep besides. 

As evening fell, they decided to play some games. After they stuffed their faces with hamburgers, it was time for some Mario Kart. And with Mario Kart came the usual rage. After a round of five, Smitty was expelled from playing. He had been trolling everybody, throwing red and blue shells, slowing down so other got hit and taking short cuts no one seem to know of. Tyler was on the verge of ripping his controller in half. With a pout and a huff, Smitty handed over his controller to John.

John, who was seated against Smitty’s leg, stopped leaning backwards to concentrate on the game. He picked Shy-guy. He was less than Smitty on the trolling department, but he knew how to rile the others up. He too had a great understanding of the maps they were playing, except for Rainbow road. Nobody was good at Rainbow road.

After a round or three, John felt the hands that had previously lain lazily on his shoulders, move to his hair. He didn’t need to look up to know Smitty was playing with his hair. And he wasn’t going to comment on it, cause it actually felt pretty good. 

At first the fingers slid through the strands, undoing the little knots here and there, then they started to tug and twist in a particular way. He could hear Smitty stifling a laugh and his curiosity peaked. He tried to look at what Smitty was doing, while still trying to keep his attention on the TV screen. Smitty chuckled softly and moved his head back to its original position, making John face the TV.

The final race finished, John ending up in 3th place, the Leaf Cup displayed on screen. “Yesss,” Tyler hissed as his name was portrayed in first place, cheering for himself. As no one reacted, he looked around him. The others were occupied by looking at Smitty and John. The brunette still busy with platinum blonde hair, John had his eyes closed in bliss. 

“Wait…is he braiding his hair?” Tyler blurted out. John could feel the fingers in his hair freeze as if Smitty suddenly realised that they were being watched. His eyes snapping open as he felt the finger retreat. “Tyler!” Chrissy hissed and hit the bigger man on the arm. 

“What?!”  
“You ruined the moment!”

As the two bickered, John turned around to look at his friend. He reached out, taking a hand in his own, stopping the nervous wringing they were doing. Smitty looked up at him and their eyes met. “Hey,” John said softly,” I didn’t mind. You okay?” Smitty nodded and squeezed his hand. 

“Sorry about that,” he murmured. John frowned. “Don’t apologize, you stupid Canadian,” he said,” I liked it.” Smitty smiled at him. Then a clicking sound came out of nowhere, making them realise how quiet it had been. They both looked up to see Panda with his phone-camera aimed at them.

“What? You two are cute,” he shrugged,” This isn’t the first or only photo I took. You should check out the group chat.” Both men pulled out their phone to look. “Besides, now you know what you look like with small dreads,” he said, laughing. 

John let out a laugh as he saw the pictures Anthony had taken and posted. There were photos of a raging Tyler, a laughing Scotty, a weird selfie from Panda and Mini that only the Pandaman himself could’ve taken and one of Smitty braiding John’s hair. Anthony was right, they did look cute.

John hoped Smitty wasn’t watching as he changed his background to that particular photo. There were some messages from the friends that weren’t at the party. He chuckled to himself as he read some of them. ‘Wow, those photos are so funny’ and ‘What the hell is up with those chins, Panda??’, even one that said ‘Krii7y, I ship it!’ from Nogla and of course a ‘Happy you are enjoying yourselves’ from Mama Moo. John sent an eggplant emoji back to Nogla and pocketed his phone. Smitty chuckled as he saw John’s message, rolling his eyes at his friend, who simply shrugged. 

John stood up, stretching his back, making something pop. “Ready to go to bed?” Smitty asked, getting up as well. “Only if you’re ready to join me~” John purred back, wiggling his eyebrows. Smitty just shook his head, a smile on his face. “Let’s go idiot,” he said and dragged him along.

They said their goodnights to the others, Scotty and Chrissy following up the stairs, leaving Tyler to help Evan with blowing up the air mattress. “Tyler said it’s the one’s at the end of the hallway,” Scotty said as they climbed the stairs. “And bathroom?” Chrissy asked. “Middle, on the right, or left depending on where you stand,” John said, pointing at the bathroom door.

“You guys wanna go first?” Scotty asked. Smitty shrugged as he entered one of the bedrooms, affirming it was theirs when he saw their suitcases. “You go first,” John said, walking in behind Smitty. Chrissy went through the opposite door. “Okay, good night,” Scotty said. “Good night,” John replied, before closing the door. 

Smitty was already halfway through undressing himself. The platinum blonde sat down on the bed, staring at his friend. “Oh. Shit.” Smitty suddenly muttered. Apparently, he had forgotten to unbutton his shirt and now had trouble pulling it over his head. He was kind of stuck. Only kind of.

John was about to ask what was wrong when Smitty turned towards him. There he stood, arms sticking out in front of him, halfway through the short sleeves, shirt up to his nose and partly over his head, pants down at his ankles. John couldn’t help it. He began to laugh loudly.

“Some help please!” Smitty said aggravated as he tried helplessly to unbutton his shirt. John was on his back, rolling over the bed, laughing loudly. Tears were streaming down his face and his stomach began to hurt from laughing. Smitty tried pulling on his shirt, stumbling around towards the bed.

“Please.” 

The brunette sat down on the bed, almost falling over. John tried his best to stop laughing. He wiped his eyes with his sleeves as he chuckled. “C’mere,” he said softly, pulling Smitty towards him. He swiftly unbuttoned his shirt, and then helped the other pull it over his head. Smitty let out a sigh of relief. Their eyes met and they shared a small smile. Smitty was about to say something, opening his mouth, before there was a knock on the door.

“Hey,” Chrissy said, poking her head in the room,” bathroom’s free.” Smitty nodded. “Thanks.” She smiled and said; “No problem.” She retreated back to her and Scotty’s room. Scotty may have wondered why his girlfriend had such a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes, but he decided not to ask as she placed her lips against his. She was good at distracting him. 

John and Smitty finished changing into their pyjamas, before walking to the bathroom. They met Mini in the hallway, bidding him goodnight. After brushing their teeth and finishing up their nightly routines, they went back to the room.

“Which side would you prefer- wait,” Smitty said, interrupting himself,” Why do I ask? Right side, cause somehow you have something against lying on the left side.” He chuckled as he himself climbed in bed on the left side. “You know me too well,” John said as he took to the right side. “Yeah… ever wonder if I know you too well?” Smitty said, arranging the pillows to his liking before lying down. 

“Nah.” John said, letting himself fall to the bed, not bothering with arranging pillows. Smitty gave him a side-eyed look as John wiggled around, rearranging himself, getting under the comforter he shared with the other. “Good.” John turned his back to Smitty to turn off the lamp on the bedside table. “Hey John?” Smitty asked softly into the darkness. 

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Everything.”

John just huffed in response as he made himself comfortable, lying on his side, his back towards Smitty. He felt the other move around as well, probably getting comfy himself. John hadn’t realised how tired he actually was, until he felt his eyelids getting heavy and he let out a yawn. He was pulled slightly from falling asleep when he felt fingers in his hair, softly untangling the little braids that had survived all the moving around. 

He wouldn’t admit to anyone but Smitty that he had let out a very content sigh and fell asleep almost instantly. And he wouldn’t admit to anyone how it felt to wake up in the morning, legs tangled together and Smitty’s head on his chest, letting out small puffs of air that made his skin tingle. And he wouldn’t tell anyone how Smitty snuggled closer to him as he tangled his fingers in the short brown curls. 

Those memories were precious to him and he would keep them safe from prying eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

The soft sound of clicking filled the air. A mouse moving rapidly along a well-used mouse pad, cursor moving over multiple screens. Very soft music sounded from slightly ajar headphones, sometimes accompanied by a hum. 

Soft sighs left parted lips, limps heavy as the body turned, fingers stroking soft sheets. Heavy eyelids opened slowly, vision blurry, blinking. Details became more visible as vision cleared. Zoning in on the figure on the other side of the room, illuminated by a screen. 

A soft chuckle filled the quiet air. Then the chuckle changed into supressed laughter. A smile appeared on Smitty’s face. Appreciative of the other, who tried his best to stay as quiet as possible. And yet, a laugh escaped, before lips clammed shut.

A snort sounded from the bed, making John stop what he was doing and turned around. Seeing Smitty awake, he let the suppressed laughter escape. What a sight to awake to, Smitty thought. John rolled his slightly squeaky chair towards the bed. Smitty, although still tired from his nap, raised an eyebrow at the platinum blonde. 

“Did the tired baby have a nice little nappie?” 

Smitty gave him a deadpanned look. “Do you want your blanky?” John asked, dragging the blankets over Smitty’s head. The deadpanned look disappeared under the blanket, before John pulled it back. He didn’t want to actually choke his friend to death. 

“What if all I wanted was my daddy~?”

John choked on his own spit. Then he started coughing harshly, before his coughs turned into laughs. Meanwhile, Smitty was dying of laughter. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he wished that he could’ve captured that exact moment.

“Y-you should-should’ve seen your f-face,” he gasped. His stomach was staring to hurt from the laughing. John, also still laughing, picked up a pillow and playfully smacked it on top of Smitty’s face. Smitty pulled the pillow, that John still had a hold of, abruptly away, causing John to fly out of his chair with force and land half on Smitty.

As their renowned laughter died down, John closed his eyes. His head was on top of Smitty’s belly, softly rising with every breath he took. It would’ve lulled him straight to sleep if the other hadn’t started talking. “What was so funny anyways?” John hummed. 

“Oh, I was editing stick fight, the one with Mini and Panda.” Smitty chuckled. “The one with the Lava3 map? The one we completely dominated?” he asked. ”Yup,” John said with a laugh. “We’re assholes,” Smitty said laughing. He had started patting John’s head absentmindedly. John moved his chin up, so he could look at Smitty’s face and opened his mouth to speak. Apparently Smitty did as well and of course the next thing out of their mouths simultaneously was:

“You have bear fists?” 

Instead of starting to laugh again, they just smiled contently at each other. John laid his head back down and pushed himself up a bit. His arms wrapped around Smitty’s torso and his head on top of the other’s chest. He could vaguely make out a heartbeat. This was the definition of relaxation.

Smitty revelled in John’s warmth and his arms around him. He let his thoughts wander as he kept playing with platinum blonde hair. He thought about the stick fight moments where he and John had the same idea, throwing guns or taking out the others first. Then about other games where they did something together without talking about it first, immediately understanding what the other was up to. Sometimes it seemed to be just him and John, even if other friends had joined them.

His thoughts led him down a path that seemed yet to be discovered, into the depths of their friendship. When it seemed he had gotten to a new point, he was shaking from his thoughts when he heard a soft snore. As he looked down at the man on top of him, a smile appeared on his face.

John just looked too cute like that. He almost didn’t want to wake the other, but he didn’t want him to get a sore back either, so he did it anyway. “C’mon, big boy,” he said softly, shaking John,” You can’t stay like that, it’s bad for your back.” 

John mumbled tiredly his disappointment. “I know,” Smitty said, tugging on John’s arms,” But you’ve gotta.” John gave him a pout and Smitty chuckled. The other finally cooperating and stood up, sort of. They maneuvered a bit, so John could lie flat on his back on the bed, a pillow beneath his head. 

Smitty moved away a bit, but didn’t get to far as a pair of arms tugged him close. Now he lay with his head on John’s chest, snuggled nice and warm against him. The arm on his side grew heavy as breathing slowed down, eyes closed already. Smitty hummed contently, before joining his friend in blissful sleep. Only after did Smitty realise that his bad dreams stayed away, when wrapped in warm arms.

He felt safe.

///////////////////////////////

It was almost halfway through September, but it was still pretty warm outside. But it couldn’t be because of global warming… unless? 

John and Smitty excited a generic snack bar like café, milkshakes in hand. They walked to the nearby park, while chatting aimlessly. The sun was beating down on them as it slowly descended in the sky, giving everything a beautiful glow.

Fall was trying it’s best to cool the planet down and paint everything in pretty colours. Leaves already all kinds of red and brown, as they fell from the trees. Soon everything would be barren and cold, dark.

John stared at the leaves that got crushed beneath his feet. There was probably some weird symbolism behind it, but he couldn’t care to think about one. They sat down on the park bench, close by the playground. John looked around. 

A mother and probably her son at the sandbox, another mother and her two kids on the monkey bars, some couples walking the paths of the park and an elderly man reading his book on the other bench. They all seemed to want to soak in the last rays of summer sun. 

Beside him Smitty leaned to the trash bin beside the park bench to throw his now empty milkshake away. The other looked at him questioning. John started obscenely slurping on the straw, sucking out the last bit of his milkshake with a lot of unnecessary noise. 

Smitty rolled his eyes as he took the cup from his hands and threw it away as well. John chuckled and leaned back, arms over the backrest. Smitty leaned back as well, eyes roaming over the playground. A soft chuckle escaped his lips and John followed his gaze to the monkey bars.

The, presumed, older brother was swinging from bar to bar, almost making it to the end, but falling to the sand below. The girl, his sister, wanted to try, but the boy pushed her away. She seemed angry with him and loudly exclaimed that she wanted to try. 

The two on the park bench were close enough to be able to follow their conversation. “No, you cannot try it,” the boy said. “And why not?” she asked, arms crossed. “Because girls can’t do it, you’re not strong enough,” he said, sticking his tongue out and climbing back up. He proceeded to swing from bar to bar again, before his hand slipped from the bar and he ended up falling to the ground again. 

The girl huffed loudly, and quickly climbed up the ladder part. “Whatever,” the boy said angrily,” It’s to hard anyways.” The girl stayed at the beginning, seemingly doubting her choice. But then she reached for the first bar, her face full of determination. As the girl swiftly swung from bar to bar, John could see from the corners of his eyes, that Smitty leaned forward in anticipation. She continued, almost slipped and Smitty let out a soft gasp. John found it funny how invested Smitty seemed, looking ready to jump up at any given moment, sitting at the edge of the bench. 

Almost without difficulty, the little girl made it. She jumped off of the contraption, turning around to face her brother, whose mouth was hanging open. “You should close your mouth, before you catch flies,” she said, with a wide grin. Her brother snapped his mouth shut.

“Woohoo!” 

A loud yell sounded suddenly and only then did John notice that Smitty had sprung up, cheering loudly for the girl. “You go girl!” The girl whirled around to look surprised at him. Smitty laughed and gave her a bow and applause. She gave him a toothy grin and thumbs up, before turning back to her brother and began to give him hell for trash-talking her. At some point the mother came in between the two, before they got physical. Not before giving Smitty a disapproving look.

John noticed the elderly man had looked up from his book, not expecting the easy silence to be so rudely broken. He looked a bit startled at the two men. Their eyes met and John gave an apologetic smile and a wave, pulling Smitty back onto the bench besides him. The man gave a nod, before going back to his book. 

John laughed as he could practically feel the energy radiating off of Smitty as he pulled him close. “I don’t know who she is,” Smitty said and laughed breathlessly,” But she’s my hero.” John chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Smitty’s waist. He did not miss the look the woman gave him, but he couldn’t care less. 

Smitty snuggled comfortably into his side, laying his legs on top of John’s lap and soaking up his warmth. It had gotten colder, as well as darker, seeing how the sun had started descending through the sky. They sat in silence, watching people walk by. John was humming a soft melody as he absentmindedly ran his hand up and down Smitty’s leg. He thought Smitty might have fallen asleep, he was so silent. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

“That woman keeps watching us.”

Ah, so he hadn’t fallen asleep. “I wonder what her problem is,” Smitty said. John took a moment to look at Smitty, who was on top of him, all over him. Yeah, he had a hunch why the woman kept staring. “Seriously… she looked this way again,” Smitty said clearly aggravated. “Who cares?” John said, tightening his grip on the other. He wanted Smitty to stop paying attention to the woman and instead pay attention to him.

“Is it because I was cheering for her daughter?” Smitty pondered out loud,” Was that weird?” John let out a snort. “A 20-something man cheering for a 6-year old girl? Naaaaaaaaah, totally not weird.” Smitty slapped his arm, but laughed. John pulled him closer again and blew into his neck, making the other squirm and giggle. “Ok, ok!” Smitty yelped,” Stop it!” John laughed and stopped tormenting his friend. Smitty looked him in the eyes and tuck his tongue out. 

“Jerk.”  
“Whiny bitch.”  
“Asshole.”  
“Sour milk.”

A gasp.

“Cock sucker.”  
“You wish!”  
“Well, what if I do?”  
“What if I don’t? …Unless?”

They laughed at their stupid jokes. They secretly loved their stupid jokes. John looked at Smitty with a smile on his face. Smitty looked at John and how the last rays of the sun caught in bleached hair.

All of a sudden, they heard someone clear their throat. They looked up to see the aforementioned woman. “Do you two mind?” she said with a stern expression on her face. Smitty felt confused. “No,” John said, staring her down. “It’s not healthy to have such a …relationship,” she continued,” And you shouldn’t publically display it. It gives my children a bad example.” The poor children looked from their mother to the two men in question. 

Smitty finally seemed to grasp what she was talking about as John could feel him tense up. How dare she. “Excuse me?” John said, giving her an angry look. “You see, my children shouldn’t be exposed to such unnatural behaviour. It’s bad for their development.” John felt sick. There stood a homophobic woman, berating two friends who aren’t even in a relationship in front of her two young kids. 

“Are you fucking joking?” 

It was a good thing that Smitty’s legs were still over his, or he would have stood up to get into the woman’s face. “I wonder who is giving them a bad example. Two loving and caring people showing affection? Or a demon spawned woman who is a homophobic bitch, who can’t seem to grasp the idea of love.”

The woman looked furious and opened her mouth to retaliate, but John continued. “I have great pity on your children and your husband, if you have one. No one should be raised with the idea that being gay is wrong. ‘Cause guess what lady? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it! Love. Is. Love.”

The woman tried to stare down John, but he wasn’t intimated in the least. “Now get out of my sight, you wretched woman. And educate your kids better, before they end up like you.” The woman couldn’t seem to form words, so instead she grabbed both her children by the hand and dragged them away with her. “Let’s go, before they rub their sins off on us.”

John gave her the finger. The little girl tried as best as she could to turn and wave at the two boys. Smitty send her a smile and a wave back, before exhaling and sagging in. He tried to let out all the tension that had build up in his body during the conversation. John’s strong arms pulled him further on top of his lap. 

“You okay?” Smitty shrugged. “Some people…” he said, shaking his head. “Yeah.” They sighed simultaneously. “You got pretty passionate there,” Smitty said. “Yeah. I don’t like people talking shit about such a thing. It’s up to people themselves who they love,” John said. “Soooo, it wasn’t because of… personal reasons?” Smitty asked curiously. “I didn’t say that,” John said, shrugging. “Huh.”

They left it at that. As silence once again fell upon them, John pondered the things that just occurred. Why did he lose his cool like that? That normally didn’t happen so easily. Normally, he couldn’t care about such people, let alone give a shit about them or tell them off. Was it because she did it in front of her children? Or was it because she did it in front of him and Smitty?

Probably because of Smitty. How dare she speak so ill of non-straight people, right in front of him and his friend. He knew Smitty was bisexual, for he had told him about a boy way back he liked and he knew he had a girlfriend. He doubted if Smitty knew he was totally and completely gay, he had no interest in girls, except for maybe their fashion sense. It shouldn’t matter anyway. People shouldn’t get treated with hatred for who they choose to love. Especially not by such bitches-.

“Oh my fucking god, I was swearing in front of those children.”

Smitty had slightly dozed off, due to being relaxed now that he was snuggled in the warmth that John provided. Now he was wide-awake, looking slightly shocked at John. He then started laughing. “Oh really?” he laughed,” Were you swearing?” John looked slightly ashamed. “You swear like a fucking sailor, borther.” 

John shrugged. “My bad.” Smitty huffed a laugh. “Next time, maybe turn the swearing down a bit when there are kids around.”   
“Turn down for what?”  
“Nooooooo, Joooooohn…”

As John laughed, he noticed another woman walking towards them. He recognised her and the toddler she was holding in her arms. They had been playing in the sandbox the entire time. He could feel Smitty tensing up again as he noticed the woman too. “It’s okay,” he said softly into Smitty’s ears,” She’s good.” 

There was no visible ill intent in the woman’s body language and there was a kind smile on her smile. “Hey,” she greeted them as she was close,” Are you two okay?” John smiled up at her. “We’re fine,” he said. “Good,” the woman sighed,” She had no right to bother you two like that.” John shrugged. “Some people are like that, sadly.” She nodded. Her little boy, who had been intently staring at the two men, spoke up. 

“Awe you two mawwied?”

It caught them off guard. “Jack! You can’t just ask that,” the woman said, trying to hold in her laughter. The boy protested. “But he has wings!” They were only slightly confused to what the adorable boy meant, until they noticed him pointing at John’s hands. John chuckled.

“But I don’t,” Smitty said, showing him his hands. Jack stared at Smitty’s hands then looked affronted at John. “Why didn’t you giwe one to him? That’s so unfaiw!” His mother couldn’t stifle her laughter, trying to get him to stop talking. Smitty was laughing as well, until John took his right hand. 

“You know what, little man?” John said, removing the ring from his pinkie,” You’re right, that is unfair.” He slid the ring on Smitty’s ring finger and gave the hand a kiss. The little boy clapped happily in his hands. “Now you two awe mawwied!” He was ecstatic, a smile on his face. The grown ups laughed. 

“I think it’s time to go, young man,” the mother said as she adjusted him in her arms, his hands finding their grip in her shirt. “Aww, but I was having fun,” he complained. “I know, sweetie, but it’s getting late and daddy’s waiting for us with dinner,” she said, softly bouncing him,” Say goodbye to these kind men.” He waved his little hand and shouted a goodbye as they walked away. 

It was silent for a moment, both thinking about how strange the world sometimes is. “So… we’re married now?” Smitty asked, twiddling with the ring on his finger. “Yup.” Smitty smiled. “Nice.” He untangled himself from John and stretched his limps. Something in his back popped and he let out a groan. John stood up from the bench, only now realising he had a hurting flat butt from sitting on the steel bench. “Oof.”

John looked at the man on the other bench, wondering if his behind didn’t hurt and how he was still able to read while it was getting darker and darker. The man looked up, gave him a nod then continued to read his book. John smiled and joined Smitty at his side. 

As they walked out of the park, Smitty spoke up. “There are two kinds of people in this world.” John hummed. “Nah, I’d say there’s three.” Smitty gave him a look. “The homophobes, the homo-supporters, who are most of the time not gay themselves,” he explained,” And then there’s the actual homos.”

“Huh,” Smitty said,” Yeah, I guess you’re right.” John made an tsk sound as he linked his arm with Smitty’s. “I’m always right.” Smitty laughed, walking just a bit closer to John as they made their way home. “Sure you are.” He let out a yawn,” Man, I’m exhausted.” John bumped his shoulder to Smitty’s. “C’mon lets go to your place and order pizza and beers,” he said. Smitty smiled up at him as he bumped their shoulders together. “And spend my evening in your company?” he said with a coy smile. He then chuckled and said:

“That would be fantastic.”


	6. Chapter 6

“What do you think about these?”

John walked up and down the aisle. “They look like the pair you’ve already got,” Smitty said, scrolling through Twitter, whilst sitting on a stool. “You’re not even looking.” Smitty rolled his eyes as he pocketed his phone. He stared, deadpanned expression on his face, at John. He got a ‘really?’ expression back. 

“Remind me why we’re here again?” he sighed. John placed his hands on his hips. “To buy shoes, of course,” he said,” Why else would we be in a shoe store?” Smitty arched an eyebrow. “You already have like 5 pairs of shoes, 2 of them boots,” he said, pointing at the current cowboy-like boots on John’s feet. The other huffed, blowing some strands of his hair out of his face.

“You can never have enough boots,” he said. He removed the boots from his feet anyway. “The heels aren’t big enough on these anyway,” he muttered, putting them back in the box, then placed them on their spot on the shelf. “Why don’t you try the woman’s section, they’ve got some major heels,” Smitty said, distracted by his phone once again. 

Nothing interesting was going on on Twitter, so he switched to Instagram. He liked some selfies of Miniladd and BigJigglyPanda, commented on Fitz’s post and posted a photo of himself he never got around to post. Put in a nice deeper meaning in the caption and…post. He pocketed his phone and looked around. 

Wait a minute… where did John go?

Somewhere in the distance he could here the telltale clicking of heels on parquet. It was probably the annoying saleswoman, who had asked them three times already if they needed her help. They shouldn’t have come in in the middle of the day, when nobody else was in the store. She must be bored as hell. 

“So, how do I look?” Smitty’s neck almost snapped, he turned his head so fast. There he stood, grown at least 4 inches, long legs and hips held in a model-pose, strutting his stuff as he walked towards Smitty. John was wearing dark red killer high heels. And looking smug while doing so. 

Smitty choked on his spit, started to cough violently and laugh at the same time. John shook his head as he strutted closer, smug smile still on his lips. Smitty took out his phone and snapped a picture, trying not to shake too much from laughing. Then he pressed record. John strutted towards the camera, leaned down, blew a kiss then turned around to walk away. 

What took Smitty off guard tho, was the sudden hip thrust as John spread his legs and dipped down low. He was impressed and weirdly turned on. But he wasn’t going to admit the last part. He stopped recording as John walked back towards him. 

“I got you a pair as well,” John said, pulling a box from somewhere Smitty hadn’t noticed. Smitty shook his head as he stared at the 2-inch heels on the small looking shoes. “There’s no way I’m gonna be able to fit in those, let alone walk in them.” John shrugged a he knelt down in front of the stool Smitty sat on. 

“How did you even get in those shoes?” Smitty asked as John was talking his shoes off for him. He was mortified, but curious. “You have small feet, it’ll fit,” John said, placing Smitty’s shoes besides the boxes and placed the heels in front of his feet. He looked up and gave him a smirk. Smitty was leaning with his elbows on his knees, head in his hands, looking bored.

Their faces were close together and for some reason, Smitty wanted to lean in closer. Before he could stop himself, John did by standing up. He held out his hand for the other to grab and help him in the heels. Smitty stood up, his legs wobbling with the unfamiliar feeling. 

“How do women do this?” he asked, genuinely surprised,” My feet hurt already.” John laughed. “It takes some getting used to,” he shrugged. He personally was used to wearing a bit of heels. This wasn’t so difficult for him. “Now, why don’t you try walking up and down here,” he said.

Smitty took a wobbly step forward. Then another. And another. Hmm, this wasn’t going too bad, he was getting the hang of it. He took another confident step forward. “This isn’t as bad as I tho-” And he tripped.

Before he could crash to the ground, he grabbed the nearest thing in reflex. The nearest thing being John, who’s reflex was to prevent his friend from falling. He grabbed the other and pulled him close. Smitty had John’s shirt clutched in his hands, acutely aware of the chest he was leaning against. He looked up to see how close they were. 

Aaaaand, he was blushing.

He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks as John chuckled and carefully let him go. A sudden thought made Smitty freeze. John was always so careful with him, as if he was a fragile thing. Of course, they fucked around, pushing each other off the couch or trying to let the other trip, but he never actually hurt him. 

When he did get hurt, mainly thanks to himself, John was always right at his side, making sure he wasn’t hurt or to try and cheer him up. John was caring and loving towards him.

“-ello? Helloooo?” John waved a hand in front of Smitty’s face, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Earth to Smitty!” Smitty gulped. He didn’t recognize the feeling coursing through him, he felt like he needed to lie down or something. “Hey… Are you okay?” John asked as he helped the other sit down on the stool. 

There it was again, Smitty thought, the concern clear on John’s face, his eyes beaming with worry. Was he even worthy of such care? He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about it. “I’m fine.”  
John gave him a disbelieving look, but didn’t comment on it. “Let’s get these off shall we?” John asked as he kneeled down in front of Smitty. The other huffed.

“I can do that myself, I’m a big boy,” he said and bend down to take the heels off of his poor feet. John shrugged and sat down on his butt, sitting cross-legged. “Ok, big boy. You were pretty shit, walking in those.” His own feet still had the red killer heels strapped on. Smitty rolled his eyes as he freed his feet from the shoes. Seriously, how did women do that?!

“Not all of us are so in touch with their feminine side.” John shrugged. “I like heels, feminine or not.” Smitty smiled at him, proud of the other and the fact that he didn’t care about the social standards or typical gender roles and all that shit. John was John and he did whatever he wanted to. Smitty really admired that. 

John had started picking at his nail polish as Smitty sat there looking him over. “What’re you smiling about?” John mumbled, not looking up. “You.” John did look up this time. “Good,” he said and went back to picking at the nail polish on his fingers. 

Smitty stood up and returned the shoes to the women’s section of the store. He didn’t bother to place it in the correct spot, that impatient woman could do that. At least she wouldn’t be so bored anymore. When he walked back to where he had left the other man, he noticed John standing in front of a mirror.

“I’m keeping these,” John said as Smitty got closer,” I like how they shape my legs.” Smitty smiled and said,” Makes your butt looks great.” John looked at him. “I know right?” he smiled,” I could definitely get dem bois to the yard.” Smitty laughed. “You’re missing something crucial to do that,” he pointed out.

John took of the heels, holding them and his own pair of shoes in his hands. Smitty had put his own shoes on again. “A milkshake,” John said, nodding his head. He walked barefoot to the counter, putting down the heels. The cashier looked at the shoes, then up at John and back at the shoes. She shrugged.

“Could you please spray them with some of that water-resistance stuff, please? I want to wear them right away.” The cashier stared at John, shrugged and so with a soft ‘sure’. After she finished, she rang the items up in the cash register. “That will be 50 dollars, please,” she said, sounding bored. 

“Oh and a plastic bag please,” John said. The cashier grabbed one from behind the counter, put it on top of the heels and pressed another button on the register. “That’ll be 50 dollars and 20 cents, please.” She sighed.

John paid for it with his card, then took all his stuff off of the counter and said goodbye to the already preoccupied by something else cashier. He walked over to Smitty, stuffing his old pair of shoes in the shoebox and putting the box in the plastic bag. He leaned on Smitty as he put on his heels. Admiring them, before walking out of the shoe store. Smitty huffed, as he looked up at the other, now even taller than him.

“What’s up midget?” John said, grinning. “Oh shut up,” Smitty mumbled as he rolled his eyes. John slung his arm around Smitty’s shoulders. “Now let’s go, get that milkshake, so I can get all the bois to my yard.” Smitty chuckled. “That’s sounds like a plan.”   
“You’re paying.”  
“Am not!”

They ended up getting milkshakes at their usual spot and walk to the little park, sitting on the same park bench at the edge of the playground. After they finished their drinks, John suggested taking a video of him in his heels. At some point it became a music video as John blasted Brittney Spears on his phone, while Smitty recorded with his. They uploaded it to Twitter and Instagram and people absolutely loved it. 

By the time they got back to Smitty’s place, both their accounts had blown up with notifications, making it impossible to use their phone. They laughed as they decided to turn them off. Once they were settled on the couch, huddled close and sharing a blanket, they turned them back on. Reading some of their friend’s comments on the video, while eating left over pizza.

All in all it had been a good day.

Except maybe when John tackled Smitty to the ground because he tried to climb off of the kid’s slide, getting his heel stuck in a tiny gap and tripping off of the damn thing. But that was a video clip only shared between the two of them with laughter and almost tears. 

None of them spoke about the couple of seconds they had laid on top of each other on the ground or how John had softly wiped the sand off of Smitty’s cheeks. And neither spoke about the weird electric feeling they got whenever they looked in each other’s eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

“Heeeeey, so good to see you!” Miniladd said excited as he pulled John in for a hug. He and Smitty had travelled together to Miniladd’s house for some kind of late New-Years party. Mini released John and hugged Smitty next. “It’s good to see you too,” Smitty said as he hugged back. “Come on in, I’ll get you something to drink,” Mini said as he guided them into the living room. 

IAmWildcat and BigJigglyPanda greeted them as they walked in. Smitty instantly went to hug the two, John opting to just shake their hands. “I’ll take anything you pour me,” John called after Mini, who walked into the kitchen. He got a thumbs up back. The doorbell rang. “I got it!” Smitty called as he ran to the front door to open it.

Mini returned with two glasses of water, placing them on the coffee table. “How was your Christmas, John?” Panda asked John who took a glass and sat down on the opposite couch. “Yeah, wasn’t Smitty with you?” Tyler asked. He took a sip of his own drink, to subtly hide his grin. John nodded.

“Really?” Mini asked,” How come?” Before john could answer, Mini continued. “You haven’t brought him home before right? Wait! Was this the first time he met your parents?! That must’ve been nerve-wrecking, for you, to introduce him to your family, especially since you like hi-”

Tyler interrupted Mini’s rant by pulling him on the couch next to him. John raised an eyebrow at his friends. “It was actually more fun with Smitty there,” John said, acutely aware of the eyes on him,” He was so polite and afraid to be a burden on us. He kept apologizing, like a true Canadian.” He laughed. “At first, he didn’t want to come with me, at all. But it’s hard to deny me.” 

Panda laughed, then asked; “How come he didn’t go home?” John’s expression changed into one of sadness. “The bad weather in Canada prevented him from flying back home and his family rather had him save than that he tried to travel in those circumstances,” John explained,” He was heartbroken. And he’s my best friend, I wasn’t going to just leave him alone for the holidays. So I asked if he wanted to come with me to my parent’s house. Of course, he felt like he was intruding on my family time and stuff, so I told him not to worry about it.” He sighed. “He didn’t need to worry anyway. My parents loved him, my siblings loved him, just like me. And all went well.”

John noticed the silence in the room, oblivious to what he just said as he looked at the others in the room. Miniladd and Panda had soft smiles on their faces and Tyler was grinning like a Cheshire cat. “…What?” Before John could ask them more about why they were looking at him like that, the door opened and Smitty came sprinting back in and let himself fall on the couch next to John. More like practically on top of the poor man.

Scotty and Chrissy walked in after Smitty, the woman looked like she’d been crying, but there was a smile on her face. Scotty’s face was beet red and Smitty was trying to stifle his giggles. “What took you guys so long?” Mini asked as he got up to greet the couple. Scotty looked embarrassed and Chrissy and Smitty started to laugh. 

“H-he got stuck in his jacket,” Chrissy managed to say in between laughter. “And they just laughed instead of helping me,” Scotty said annoyed,” So it took some time before I got myself unstuck.” The others laughed as well. Scotty just mumbled something under his breath as he sat down in one of the armchairs. 

“Aww, sowwy baby,” Chrissy said as she sat on top of the man,” Awe you mad?” Scotty crossed his arms and pouted. Chrissy kept on poking him, until he gave up and laughed as well. Then he hugged Chrissy close and blew a raspberry in her neck, making her scream out in laughter. Mini went to get them something to drink after they calmed down.

Tyler and Panda started up a conversation about haircuts and taking care of your beard. Scotty and Chrissy listened to Miniladd as he talked about how his Christmas went. Smitty turned, throwing his legs over the armrest, snuggling his back against John’s chest. He pulled out his phone and went to scroll through Twitter. 

John placed his arm around Smitty’s waist, using his other hand to navigate his phone. He was looking at pictures from Christmas, which his mother had sent him. Smitty wearing a Santa-hat, sitting under the Christmas tree, smiling up at John as he sat besides the man, handing him a present. That picture was now his main background. He smiled as he thought back to Christmas.

They had done all the cliché things. Going out in the snow, making a snowman with the typical Canadian jokes, having a snowball fight and then drinking hot cacao in front of the fireplace, sharing a blanket as they watched a movie. They had bought each other ugly Christmas sweaters, and they kept laughing at each other wearing them. The selfie they took was now his lock-screen background. 

They found out Smitty was a bit of a sweet tooth, as he kept eating all the candy canes and freshly baked cookies. John’s mother didn’t mind, she loved spoiling him and she and his sister kept baking cookies for him. Smitty said he was going to marry John. He claimed it was the only way to taste all their good cooking. John laughed, slightly flustered as his mother gave him a smile and his sister winked teasingly at him.

They had played board games and invited John’s grandmother over for Christmas day. At some point his grandmother had took Smitty apart from the others to interrogate him. Where did he come from, how did he meet John and then Smitty had to explain YouTube and what they did for a living to her. As his grandma asked John ‘oh, is he the video-thingy friend you always talk about?’ he left the room to avoid similar questions. 

His mother took him by the arm as he went into the kitchen for a refill of his eggnog. “So,” she asked,” how are things gong between you and Smitty?” She looked innocent, perhaps too innocent. So she probably wasn’t just asking that. 

“Uhm, good?”

His mother smiled at him. John was about to walk back into the room, but she stopped him. He could see Smitty sitting besides his grandmother on the couch, looking awkward as he tried to politely listen to her stories. A small smile appeared on his face. His mother let out a chuckle, as she stood beside her son.

“I bet you she’s talking about how she met your grandfather and the war. You can see it on the look on his face,” she said. John chuckled as well. “High probability.” His mother softly squeezed his arm. “Your father and I just need to know your feelings,” she said, tone serious. John sighed. He knew what she meant by that, it happened before. 

“I-,” he sighed again,” I don’t really know…” His mother squeezed his arms again, before letting go. “That’s alright, sweetheart,” she said,” just be you.” He nodded and looked at her face. “I will mom.” 

Suddenly his grandmother came shuffling inside the kitchen. “What a polite young man,” she said, smiling widely,” He’s a keeper!” John let out a startled laugh, as did his mother. “Grandma…” His grandmother looked far too innocent for her own good. That’s probably where his mother got it. 

“What’s so funny?” his dad asked as he too walked into the kitchen. He went to refill the bowls of chips and popcorn. “Nothing,” John said, shaking his head. His sister poked her head into the kitchen. “Are we talking about John’s boyfriend?” she asked, a smug grin on her face. John gave her a look as their mother scolded her, telling her not to pester her brother. 

“Whaaaat,” she said,” We we’re all thinking it! It’s the first boy he brought home since forever.” Their grandma nodded enthusiastically, their dad shaking his head with a huff of laughter. “I’m going to get company from civilised people,” John said, giving his sister another look,” Meaning your dog and Smitty.”

As he heard his dad and grandma laugh, he left them all in the kitchen, going to join Smitty on the couch. He couldn’t help the smile as he watched Smitty interact with his sister’s dog, seemingly more at ease in its company than in his grandma’s. His mother’s words rang through his head as he sat down beside the boy. ‘Just be yourself.’ Easy, he could do that. Smitty leaned into him, his hands still petting the dog.

“Maaaaan, she can talk,” Smitty said, sounding impressed and only slightly traumatized. John huffed a laugh,” That she can.” They sat slightly more upright as the others joined them back into the living room. It was save to say John had a wonderful Christmas and he wouldn’t mind doing it all over again. He only hoped Smitty agreed.

Speaking of the other, John got pulled from his thoughts as someone blew straight into his ear. He looked startled at the brunette, before noticing everybody else in the room staring at him. “…What?” Smitty laughed and said; “We were deciding what to eat, but you didn’t respond.” 

John shook his head. “Sorry,” he said. “Everything alright?” Smitty asked, worry visible on his face. “Yeah,” John said, nodding his head. “So, what would you like to eat?” Mini asked,” Pizza or Chinese?” John didn’t actually care, but he couldn’t say that since they had been waiting for him to answer. 

“Pizza, please,” he said,” I’m hungry for some greasy cheese, hmmm yes daddy~” He fake moaned. Mini shook his head and the other busted out laughing, he then went to pick up the phone to order pizzas. After pizzas it was movies and then off to bed. Scotty and Chrissy had the one spare room, Anthony the one-person bed in Craig’s office and Tyler shared Mini’s bed, Smitty and John camped out in the living room. 

The two had placed down air mattresses and pulled every blanket and pillow in sight to make some kind of pillow fort. When Miniladd came to wish them a good night, he laughed at the two grown man sitting beneath a pillow fort. “You’re literal children,” he said, shaking his head. Smitty stuck out his tongue and John shrugged. “Good night, you two,” Craig said and left the room.

Smitty and John had stayed up almost all night, talking about everything and anything. At some point they talked about aliens and other planets. Then about how stressful YouTube could be and how some comments made them laugh and happy or sometimes very mad. After that the conversation moved on to how the Illuminati was behind the world’s disasters and how they were using memes to brainwash people. Smitty was sure about that.

Somehow their conversation went on to go about feelings. It had been quiet for a bit and John was almost sure Smitty had fallen asleep. Until the other softly spoke up; “Hey, John? Can I ask you something serious?” John looked at Smitty, who was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling of their fort. “Sure. Whatever it is. You can always aske me, anything.”

“Have you ever loved someone?”

Ok, John did not entirely see that one coming. “Yes,” he said, still looking at Smitty. The other hummed, then nodded, seemingly content with the answer. “How does it feel?” John wondered if there was a reason behind the questions, something on his mind that he didn’t tell him. 

“Weird.” It stayed silent as John moved to lie on his back as well. He couldn’t help but still stare at Smitty as he said what came to mind. “It starts out slow, like you don’t even realise it at first,” he sighed,” then it’s like this warm feeling spreading through your body. It’s almost like a fever, ya know. You get dizzy sometimes from thinking too much and it crashed over me like a tidal wave. And it’s mostly the little things that get me. How they smile or how they get frustrated. You start to notice the little details, the colours of his eyes, dimples in his cheeks.”

John laughed. “Or the way he smells, feels when I wrap my arms around him. Just… him.” He let out a deep sigh, then realised what he’d been saying. Fucking sleep deprived speech. He carefully looked back over to Smitty, slightly afraid he caught on to what he said. A soft snore left rosy red lips as Smitty slept peacefully beside him.

John thanked the heavens and hoped the other wouldn’t remember a thing in the morning. He sighed, draping the blankets over Smitty’s sleeping form and chuckled as the other mumbled something in his sleep. Sleep sounded pretty good to John, so he closed his eyes, breathing deeply to calm himself down. And soon he was asleep as well.

The next morning, a very tired Smitty was leaning against an equally as tired John as they sat at the breakfast table. Chrissy snapped a picture of the unsuspecting duo; Scotty kept stealing bits of their breakfast. Tyler looked at the two as he entered the kitchen.

“Some of us are not a morning person,” he said smirking. He thanked Anthony, who shoved a plate full of food in front of him as he sat down. “Some of us need to shut the fuck up,” John growled back, eyes still closed. Tyler huffed a laugh and started to eat. Mini placed two cups of coffee on the table on front of the two sleepy men, followed by milk and sugar. 

Smitty yawned and stretched as he stopped leaning on John. He reached for the sugar, adding three teaspoons of sugar to his coffee. John grumbled as he reached for his, sipping straight from the cup and cursing as he burned his tongue. Great. Now he was awake and in pain. 

Mini clapping in his hands, making three others groan, interrupted the death-stare to his coffee. Some really weren’t morning people. Mini announced he was taking them out and sightsee the city, followed by a nice lunch at his favourite spot. After everyone finished their breakfast and cleaned up, they put on their coats and shawls and left the house.

Mini acted like a good city tour guide, pointing at buildings and telling something about them. The cold was waking everyone up little by little as they explored. They went to an arcade, spending some money on games and activities. Chrissy annihilated them all in air-hockey and Smitty won DDR. Then they squeezed together into a photo booth, taking the most chaotic photos ever seen. They all took a copy of the photo strip, everyone disappearing into different wallets.

After that they proceeded towards the cute little restaurant where they had poké bowls, to order lunch. It had been a peaceful and quiet place, before they arrived and set themselves at one big table. Silence is never an option with their group of friends. Not that any of them cared.

When they were done eating, they left to go back to Mini’s house. Making one of the waitresses sigh in relief as the silence returned in the restaurant. On their way back to the house, Mini was explaining a video idea he had. Scotty and Smitty were excited and Tyler said it seemed like good fun. John didn’t really feel like participating, so he would join Chrissy behind the camera. 

For a second John thought he saw Smitty’s expression turn to disappointment, but he couldn’t be sure. “You can join any time you want,” Mini said, clapping him on the back and giving him a smile. John shrugged. He took out his vape and took a hit, before they arrived at the house. Miniladd had been clear about that: no vaping in the house.

Smitty and Tyler were looking up jokes and one-liners to use, scrolling through their phones and muttering to each other. Panda helped Mini set up the camera to record the video and Scotty and Chrissy placed a table and chairs in front of the camera. John went to the toilet and as he came back they seemed ready to start. 

IAmWildcat and Smii7y VS Miniladd and fourzer0seven in a Try Not To Laugh battle.

Chrissy pressed record and Mini did, or tried to do, his intro. John was standing far off screen, scrolling through Twitter, while vaguely listening to the jokes being made. He couldn’t help but make snorting noises and snarky remarks, making one or both of the current players laugh. None of them minded, it remained to be seen what stayed in the video after editing.

Panda suddenly sneezed, making Scotty jump and Tyler snicker. “God bless you,” John said, opening his Whiteclaw and taking a sip. Chrissy handed him a tissue. Then the game resumed, with bad jokes and even worse one-liners. They all had a good laugh and that was the important part. As long as they were all having fun.

It was Smitty’s turn against Scotty as they sat on opposite ends of the table. “Did you hear about the blonde who’s a locksmith?” Smitty said, but before he could finish his sentence, John let out a massive burp. Smitty face-palmed, but laughed along with the others. “Goldilocks?” Scotty inquired and Smitty nodded. “They call her Goldilocks, yeah,” he said laughing once more as he looked at John. “This is so stupi-, John go home!”

John shrugged as he took another sip of his drink. He watched the two men try to out play each other. Smitty wasn’t easy to take out, tho you could see by the twinkle in his eyes and the way he bit his lip to keep from laughing that he was struggling. It almost made John sad that he couldn’t hear him laugh out loud, but the way Smitty sighed and shook his head at particularly funny jokes made him smile. 

Both Smitty and Scotty tapped out and the other two participants took their places. They exchanged some jokes, neither really succeeding in making the other laugh. Smitty told Tyler that he had some good ones, so he proceeded to play against Miniladd. 

“Imagine eating a clock,” Mini said,” It’s so time-consuming.” That almost made Smitty crack as he inhaled and exhaled sharply. ”That’s a good one,” he mumbled. “Thank you,” Mini said, smiling. “What’s another name for waste of space?” Smitty asked, looking Mini in the eye. The other stayed silent. “Smitty.”

John looked up from his phone to stare at the man. “We know,” Mini said, looking serious. John knew they were just messing around and not actually being mean, but he couldn’t help the slightest spike of anger in his emotions. Smitty slapped the table and Mini made a sound that sounded like a chuckle. Smitty noticed and immediately pointed at the other. 

“Oooh, what was that?” As Mini denied laughing, he touched his own finger to Smitty’s, making a soft ‘owh’ sound. Smitty did as well as he pulled his finger back. Both wiggled their eyebrows at each other. In the meantime, John was wondering what the strange new feeling was that he was feeling just now. It wasn’t familiar to him. 

Smitty and Mini made room for Tyler and Scotty to play and Smitty went to grab himself something to drink. He stood besides John, out of sight of the camera. “Why’d the clownfish run for president?” Tyler asked Scotty. “Why?” the other asked. “He wanted to legalise seaweed.” Scotty nodded. “Makes sense,” he said. It was a bad joke and Tyler knew it. 

He turned towards the camera and said: “It’s towards the bottom of the list I got here.” As he went back to his phone to look for other and preferably better jokes, John spoke up. “Well yeah,” he said,” Seaweed’s at the bottom of the ocean floor.” John rolled his eyes. “It is, John,” Tyler said,” thank you for that fun fact.” Scotty chuckled. “You’re welcome. Do you want a boring fact?” John shot back. “Haha, yes I do,” Tyler said chuckling. 

“Seaweed’s green.” 

A second of silence, before they started laughing. Scotty made a ‘mind-blown’ gesture with his hands and John could see Smitty roll his eyes. He did it again as he looked up at the man, who was grinning proudly at his own joke. John punched him softly and he got a shove back, followed by a stuck out tongue. 

It was Smitty and Mini’s turn again. After a couple of jokes, Mini laughed out loud and lost. In turn Scotty made Smitty loose, who tapped out for Tyler to take his place. Scott lost and Mini took his place. They went on and on, joking and trying to get the other to laugh, so they could get a point. 

John still made silly remarks once in a while, earning him looks from the duo at the table. “Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?” Mini asked. “Can I guess?” Smitty asked, while frowning. “Yeah,” Mini said. “Cause they are sea-gulls.”

“No,” Mini said seriously,” cause then they’d be bagels.” Smitty slammed his hand down and shook his head. He was trying so hard not to laugh, but one look at Mini and he couldn’t help it. It was just too stupid. “Alright, fine!” he laughed,” Fine! You ass.” As John saw Smitty loose to Mini’s joke, the weird feeling resurfaced. Aah, so that’s what it was. 

Jealousy.

After a couple of rounds of Smitty VS Scotty, then Tyler VS Scotty and back to Smitty VS Mini, they eventually changed quicker and quicker. The jokes got worse and worse. At one point, as Smitty sat across from Mini again, he simply said words. “Sphincter.” It had no effect. “You tried,” Mini said. “Yeah, might as well right,” Smitty said,” You never know…” 

He interrupted himself, pointing at Mini. “You have bear fists?” Mini shook his head and Smitty slapped the table once again. “No,” Mini said. “Damn,” Smitty said with a sigh. John looked at Smitty with a grin. Smitty grinned back. “You have-” John started but stopped. “Bear fists?” Smitty asked. It was like Mini wasn’t sitting across from him as Smitty could only focus on John, beckoning him over. “Get into frame, John,” he said, stretching his arms out,” get in here with me. We gotta do it once for the fans.”

John shook his head, but walked over to Smitty. If he was going to make John step into frame, he was going to mess with the other. “You have bear fists?” he asked as he blocked half of Smitty in view of the camera. “Noooooo,” Smitty whined. John had his back to the camera, as he bend down, leaning close to Smitty’s face. “Dude,” Smitty laughed,” Turn around. Don’t show em your ass!” 

He laughed as John stood up and turned towards the camera, leaning against the table. He wasn’t even totally in frame. “Sit on the table,” Smitty commanded as he looked at the camera. “Please don’t break the table,” Mini said, laughing at their antics. As Smitty kept trying to start their joke, John interrupted him. 

“Dude, stop,” he said,” I have a Whiteclaw in my hand. This is embarrassing.” He stood up and faced Smitty, who looked up at him. “You have-” Smitty started, unsure of what the other was doing. “Bear fists?” John said, a fraction faster than Smitty. “Hahaa!” he said and walked back out of frame. Smitty stared into the camera. “You have bearfi-” he laughed then turned back towards Mini,” That’s getting cut, hahaha.”

Mini shook his head slightly. “I’m gonna leave that in. Ty, leave that in!” As John retuned to his previous spot, he watched the wrap of the video. Smitty making Mini’s editor, poor Ty, do explosions and drums. “Come edit for me,” Smitty said, making everyone laugh. 

John took a sip from his Whiteclaw. The jealous feeling had almost completely gone away, thankfully. He knew why he was jealous, he wanted to make Smitty laugh, to have the other crack up at his jokes, and to have that smile beamed at him. He wanted to be the one who made Smitty happy. And as he looked at Smitty, who took his place besides John and smiled up at him, he smiled back. He hoped he had the privilege to be that person. But for now…

He knew he was royally fucked.


	8. Chapter 8

It was late April, there was some kind of convention nearby and a lot of YouTubers were running around the place, taking over most of the hotel’s rooms. 

Smitty hadn’t really wanted to go, having to walk around the place, getting sore feet and cheeks hurting from laughing so much in pictures. Not that so many people recognised him, but still. It may not have been some of the millions of fans of VanossGaming, but it were still a lot of people. And it was tiring. A good day, but tiring none the less.

Luckily for him, he had John at his side. The infamous Kryoz who couldn’t watch his tongue and randomly said the strangest things. The other could read him like a book, knowing when it became too much for Smitty and stealing him away to the bathroom or some place else to get away from the massive crowd. 

At some point, John had stolen a fan’s phone and started a vlog. Meaning, he held the phone at a weird low angle, showing off the double chins he didn’t actually have. He complained about everyone disturbing him and thinking he was some kind of YouTube star or something, joking of course. He had pointed the camera at Smitty, who was signing someone’s cap.

“Look, there’s one of those GooTubers,” he said,” He must be famous or something. People keep asking him for his autograph!” Smitty rolled his eyes as John walked towards him, ignoring the fan whose phone he had stolen. She was begging for her phone back, although you could see she was having a field day.

“Hey you!” John yelled, pointing at Smitty,” You one of them Gootubers?!” Smitty rolled his eyes again, but couldn’t hide the smile. “Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to return the device to the young lady who owns it.” Smitty pulled the girl in frame, giving her a side hug, making her slightly blush. 

John laughed and stopped recording. Before he gave the phone back to the girl, he made a selfie with the three of them. The girl thanked them, laughed and walked away. They vaguely heard her fangirling to her friend as they walked away. Not long after that they’d get a notification from Twitter that they were tagged in a video posted by Kryoz’sGirl96. 

Smitty turned to John to reprimand him about stealing someone’s phone, but laughed instead when seeing the silly face John was making. Then a fan stepped up to them, whisking John’s attention away with a lot of questions. As Smitty looked around he noticed that it was getting really busy, fairly quickly. Especially in the hall they stood. 

He began to feel a bit claustrophobic, more and more people pushing past him or brushing up against him. He felt cornered. His air intake and heartbeat quickened. He was in need of fresh air, so he began to look for the nearest exit. As he couldn’t find one, he began to feel slightly panicked. But before he could dash into the nearest bathroom, a hand grabbed his and pulled him along. 

He looked up to see John, smiling at him as he pulled him along. In no time they were outside and Smitty took a big breath in and out. He briefly wondered if it had been so clear to see his discomfort, before he realised it was John. John would’ve been able to notice it from miles away. No one knew him as well as John did. He blinked as he realised he had been staring at the other, who was waving a hand in front of his face. 

“You good?” 

Smitty sighed and nodded. A loud growl could be heard and both men looked down at their stomach. “Are you as hungry as I am?” John asked, looking at Smitty. “I guess I am,” the other said. “Come with me, I know good place to eat,” John said and held out his hand. Smitty took it and together they walked to a cute little tearoom. 

It was a bit too pink for Smitty’s taste, but the young woman behind the counter seemed very friendly. Her dark blonde hair was tied in a high ponytail, some strands hanging in her face and blue eyes observing as she walked over to their table after they put their menu’s down. “How can I help you fine gentleman?” she asked. They smiled at her as they gave their order. 

“Great,” she said with a smile,” Two Earl Grey tea and a tiny sandwich platter, coming up!” Smitty looked at the decorations on the wall as the woman walked away. “How did you know of this place?” he asked. “I overheard some people talk about it, I managed to catch the name and Google searched the place,” John explained,” it was fairly close by and it’s different from what we normally do, I thought it seemed like fun.” 

Smitty hummed. John was right, it was different. Not bad, but different. Smitty wasn’t much of a tea-drinking guy, but tea seemed like a good choice in combinations with the sandwiches. He looked at the menu once more. They had gone for the deal-of-the-day; 2 cups of tea or coffee by choice and a platter full of little sandwiches, 2 per flavour. It seemed delicious. He hoped it was.

The woman returned with two cups of steaming hot water, 2 little bowls and teabags. “There you go,” she said chipper, placing the things down on the table,” I’ll bring out the sandwiches in a second.” She walked over to the next table, where three young women were seated, taking their order before disappearing into the kitchen again.

Smitty sighed, dipping the teabag into the hot water, before placing it in the little bowl. He wrapped his hands around the cup, enjoying its warmth. “Hey,” John said softly, placing a hand on Smitty’s wrist. Smitty looked up at him, seeing the worry underneath the neutral expression. “I’m fine,” Smitty said, giving him a smile,” Just a bit tired.”

He moved one hand from the cup to John’s hand and gave it a pat. He wasn’t going to tell John he’d been thinking about them holding hands. As far as he could remember, they had never held hands. It seemed like such a romantic thing to do. Thinking about it, he got a funny feeling in his stomach. Was he getting sick? I wouldn’t be so strange, being surrounded by so many people, who can bring many diseases. It wasn’t called the PAX-Pox for nothing.

Those thoughts also brought forth other thoughts. Thoughts about little changes in John’s behaviour, things he hadn’t noticed before. Pulling him from his thoughts, John pulled his hand back. “Would you rather go back to the hotel?” he asked, taking a sip from his tea. Smitty shook his head.

“I think I can survive this last day, the convention is almost over anyway, the party tonight will be a banger so I can’t miss that,” Smitty said. John laughed. “It’d be good to see some of our friends again,” he said. Smitty nodded and drank from his cup of tea, it was still a bit hot. “I heard rumours that the Derp Crew is in town, tho I haven’t seen any of them at the convention,” he said. “Didn’t Matt say he’d be there too?” he asked. “Yeah, together with Grizzy.”

The owner returned with a big plate full of sandwiches. “There you go, sorry it took so long!” she said, as she placed it down. Smitty noticed something that didn’t look like sandwiches on the edge of the platter. It seemed to be two little cupcakes, decorated with pearls. “That’s on the house,” the woman said, pointing at the cupcakes,” For taking so long.”

Her smile was apologetic as she took the used teabags away. “We don’t mind,” John said, giving her a smile. “My apologies anyway,” she said,” Enjoy your meal.” She walked away to greet the couple that just walked into the shop. She showed them to the table in the corner of the shop, before moving to behind the counter, where she refilled some of the displays. 

The two men began to eat in silence. Smitty didn’t mind. He felt like he had too many thoughts in his head and wanted to clear up the mess a bit. What he didn’t see was John giving him looks of worry as he absentmindedly ate the sandwiches. When they were done, John paid for their meal despite Smitty’s protests. “Have fun at the convention!” the woman called after them as they walked to the door. “Thanks. Will do!” John called back. There was something knowing in her grin, as the door fell close behind them.

“Do you think she knows who we are?” Smitty asked. “Who knows, maybe she watches our videos,” John shrugged. Smitty thought no more about it as they walked back to the convention centre. His mind was otherwise occupied. At some point, he felt John’s hand snake his way into his, not letting go until they arrived back. 

Smitty had no time to think about what it meant as some people recognized them and asked for pictures and autographs. Very quickly his focus was back on his fans and smiling for them. Time flew by and there was only half an hour left before the venue would close its doors for the day. The last of its most hectic ones, releasing its poor staff.

John and Smitty were sitting on the ground, a bit away from the general footpath, partly hidden by some booths. Sipping from water bottles and eating a burger from the foodcourt, they talked about fashion styles.

Suddenly, they spotted a little boy wandering around behind the booths. He seemed to be in distress as they could see tears in his eyes and by his frantic walking. “Isn’t he a bit too young to be at such an event?” Smitty asked, finishing his hamburger. “Should we warn someone about this?” John asked, placing down his half eaten burger. He was just about to stand up to get someone of the staff, when the boy noticed them. 

“Kryoz?!”

It shocked the two a bit that the boy knew whom John was. It was more surprising however, to see the boy run up to them and practically tackle John into a hug. The man was frozen in place as the boy started to cry. He quickly wrapped his arms around the boy. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” John said softly, rocking the boy back and forth,” I’m here, Kryoz is here.” Smitty looked worried at the boy in John’s arms as he calmed down. “I-I’m s-sorry,” the boy hiccupped, trying to wipe away the tears on his face. “It’s okay, don’t need to apologize,” John said, letting the boy sit back on his heels.

“I was just so happy to see you,” he said, starting to smile a bit,” I lost my sister and I couldn’t find her and I didn’t know anybody here, then I found you.” He gave a big toothy grin. “How come you know who I am?” John asked, one eyebrow raised in question.

“”My sister loves you,” he said,” She doesn’t let me watch your videos much, but she talks a lot about you and some others and she shows me pictures of you when I ask.” He giggled a bit. “You make her laugh, so I like you and wanted to know more about you.” 

John had a smile, so soft, as he looked at the boy. Smitty felt his heart skip a beat looking at it. “What’s your name,” John asked the boy. “Dennis!” John nodded. “Ok, Dennis, can you tell me your sister’s name? Then Smitty and I can help you find her.”

“Emma,” the boy answered, before his eyes got big and his head snapped towards Smitty. “You’re Smii7y?!” He started to bounce on John’s legs in excitement. “Uh, yeah…hi?” Smitty said surprised, giving him a wave. “You’re so cool!” the boy gushed and he decided to crawl over to Smitty. The man was unsure how to feel as big brown eyes stared at him in wonder. “I love your videos, we watched all your Minecraft videos, I love it,” the boy said, proceeding to tell Smitty all about how he thought the other was the coolest YouTuber out there. 

“I’m going over to the PlayStation booth,” John said as he stood up,” I noticed they had radios, they could help.” Smitty nodded at John, then focused back on the boy in front of him. “So, are you enjoying the convention?” he asked, unsure of what to say. The boy nodded.

“Yes, I kept begging my sister to take me with her, but she said I was too young,” he told the older man,” but then I cried. And she bought me a pass as a surprise present. But we could only go for today.” Smitty nodded. He decided not to mention that a present is a surprise most of the times. 

Silence returned, the YouTuber not sure what to do. “I like you,” the boy said, smiling brightly as he cuddled up to Smitty. “I…I like you too. Wanna play a game?” Smitty pulled out his phone and started up Cut the Rope, which he hardly ever played. The boy enthusiastically took the phone and Smitty wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. He knew how awful it was to get lost, such a horrible feeling when you can’t find your family.

A ringing noise sounded through the speakers by the ceiling, followed by an announcement. “Would Emma please go to the PlayStation booth in hall 4A, your little brother Dennis is waiting for you there.” The message repeated itself, the boy quietly muttering that his name was Dennis too. Not long after, rushed footsteps came their way.

“Dennis! Oh thank god, you’re okay!” A young woman came rushing behind the booth, followed by John. “Emma!” the boy cried and tears started to form in his eyes, as he stood rapidly. They hugged each other tightly. “Where did you go?” she asked, sounding out of breath. “I saw a cool game and went to look but then I turned back around and you were gone!”

Emma sighed and hugged him again. “It doesn’t matter. You’re okay now.” The boy nodded. “I was okay, I was with Kryoz and Smitty,” he said, pointing at the two men standing on the side. His sitter seemed to realise they were still there a she sprung up. “Yes. Thank you so much,” she said, extending her hand to John, who shook it,” How can I ever thank you?”

Smitty said she didn’t need to do anything, but John spoke up. “Take a picture with us.” The girl looked surprised at the suggestion. “A little birdie told me you were a big fan,” he elaborated, nodding his head towards Dennis,” So, take a picture with us.” The girl still looked unsure as she took out her phone. “Are you sure it’s okay?” Smitty gave her a smile. “Absolutely.” 

Her smile could’ve brightened up any room, as she looked down at her little brother, who looked equally as happy. They took a couple of selfies with all 4 of them, then a couple of the siblings with only one of them. As Emma thanked them and pocketed her phone, John took out his. 

“Can I get a picture with you Dennis?” he asked the boy. Dennis enthusiastically nodded his head. “It will be hard to forget you two, but I’d like a picture of my young admirer,” he explained to Emma,” At least then I can show my mother I’m a good influencer.” She laughed and gave her permission.

John handed his phone to Smitty, so he could take the picture as he picked Dennis up, holding him with one arm, supporting him with his hip. “Damn, you a big boy,” John said, faking to struggle with Dennis’ weight. The boy giggled and patted John’s head. As Emma took out her phone again, Smitty removed his cap and placed it on John’s head.

The other laughed, because he knew that the cap had the word ‘daddy’ written on it. Emma laughed once she saw it, both snapping a couple of pictures. As John let Dennis down, Smitty saw what time it was. “Oh shit,” he said,” It’s already 7 minutes past closing time. We need to go.” 

They decided to walk out together, saying goodbye as they went separate ways. John’s eyes lingered on the spot where a waving boy was minutes ago. Smitty looked at John, noticing the soft look in his multi-coloured eyes. Seeing John interact with Dennis had made him feel strangely warm and fuzzy. Like he suddenly began to think about his future, getting married, having kids, all that supers sappy crap for old people. 

He was still looking at John’s eyes, when the other’s darted to his, connecting. Smitty didn’t waver from the intense look they held, it made him feel strange. He hadn’t realised that the other had stepped closer and now he could clearly see all the different shades of colour in John’s eyes. For some reason his breath felt laboured and he began to sweat. 

He felt super nervous all of a sudden. He hardly noticed John taking his hand in his, squeezing softly, without breaking eye contact. All Smitty could see was John’s eyes. They seemed to drag him into an endless ocean. He felt like he couldn’t breath as John took another step closer, placing his free hand on Smitty’s cheek. Softly rubbing his thumb over warm skin.

It took frightfully long seconds before Smitty realised John was slowly leaning in. And before he could fully comprehend the meaning of that, his phone went of in his pocket, making him jump away. Their eyes wide like deer caught in headlights. Smitty took a moment to calm himself, before answering his phone, which was still ringing annoyingly. 

“Hey, Craig,” he said, gulping slightly. His throat felt dry all of a sudden. “Yeah, we got caught up in something, we’re heading back to the hotel soon,” he said. John turned away slightly, so Smitty wouldn’t see the disappointed look on his face. He let out a deep sigh.

Smitty’s own turmoil prevented him almost from hearing what Miniladd was saying. “Y-yeah, sure, that’s okay,” Smitty said,” See you later.” He hung up, pocketed his phone and put his hands in his pockets. It was silent for a moment, Smitty almost afraid to look at John. 

“What did Mini want?” John asked, acting nonchalantly. “He asked if we wanted to meet before the party,” Smitty said,” He’s going to pick us up with Tyler at the hotel.” John nodded and they started to walk towards their hotel. John hoped the awkward air would clear and he sure as hell hoped Smitty didn’t think too much about it. He just hoped he didn’t ruin anything with his advances towards the other.

Smitty’s mind however was awfully blank. He was overcome with feelings and doubt and he decided not think about what had just happened. He decided not to think at all. He let out a breath he seemed to be holding and tried to relax. This anxiety was slowly making him feel crippled. So he tried to block it all out.

The way to the hotel wasn’t a long one and aside from John having tried to hold Smitty’s hand, which he quickly pulled away from the other’s grip, they were almost back to their usual self, talking about random stuff and joking around. 

The weird feelings in Smitty’s stomach had subsided and his head was telling him he was reading too much into the actions of the man beside him, it was nothing, there was nothing. You could clearly tell by the way John acted like nothing happened, so nothing did happen. John was acting normal, so he had imagined the smouldering look in the others eyes and the way he leaned closer and how their breaths mingled for a moment… It was probably just the stress of the big crowds and convention. 

John, on the other hand, took it as a good sign that the other hadn’t mentioned anything. They were like how they used to be, right…? Smitty acted like he always did, laughed at his jokes and still looked him in the eye. And yet. His laughter seemed a bit forced, his body seemed tensed up and his eyes darted away from him every odd second. The hopeful thought that he might not have fucked up, slowly receding as time went by. He blamed the streetlights, hotel entrance, his feelings and himself as they walked to their shared hotel room. If only Smitty hadn’t looked that kissable in the glow of the streetlamps nearby. If only he had a better grip on his emotions. 

If only…

As both of them redressed for the party, Smitty hesitated changing in front of John. He never done that before, it never mattered to him. But for some reason, now it did. Eventually he pulled of his shirt and pulled on a new one, turning around to find out John had left for the bathroom. 

As he was about to cuss himself for feeling like he was missing some important part of himself, John stepped back into the room. He was wearing his signature black and white striped long-sleeved shirt, combined with a yellow short-sleeved shirt. His hair was made into a bun, effectively keeping strands from his face. Smitty noticed a slight gloss on the other’s lips and took a moment to look at his lips and the beauty mark above them. John looked so much like John, it made Smitty’s heart ache. He averted his eyes as he caught John’s gaze, busying himself with his shoes. 

“So, how do I look?” John asked, doing a little twirl. “Good,” Smitty said curtly. He bend down to tie his shoes, fully expecting John to slap his ass. He had done that before, many times in fact. But nothing happened. Ok, that made him a little disappointed. He stopped the rest of his thought before they had time to indulge in it further. 

He felt guilty for some reason, wondering if he made the other feel as if he didn’t want his company anymore. He had to change that. So he walked up to John and extended his hand, like a gentleman asking out his date. “Are you ready, good sir?” he asked with a posh accent and a smile. 

John smiled, a fake one of that matter, before pocketing his phone and walking straight passed the other. Smitty hadn’t missed the disbelieving look in John’s eyes and it broke his heart. He fucked up didn’t he? John felt awkward with him and he had no way to fix the weird air between them. He felt a pang like pain as he lowered his hand and his smile turned sour. 

“Mini’s waiting for us in the lobby,” John said, keeping up the fake smile. Smitty didn’t say anything as he walked behind John to the elevator. He didn’t really feel like partying anymore, he’d rather stay in and not have to face anyone with how he was currently feeling. The elevator dinged as it arrived on their floor and both men quickly entered, John pressing the button to the ground floor.

All the way down, Smitty’s mind was buzzing with thoughts. Had he done something to upset John? Was it because it wasn’t nothing, like he thought it was? Was it because he knew Smitty had almost given in and kissed him? Was it because he had trusted Smitty as a friend and didn’t want to go further than that and now he had fucked it all up by almost kissing him?

He began to feel dizzy and the air seemed to thick for him. Luckily the doors opened to let the two men out, making it a bit easier for Smitty to breath. He excited quickly, leaving John behind him and missing the hopeless longing look in the other’s eyes.

What Smitty didn’t know was that John doubted his every move. He became hyper aware of were he held his hands, which way he looked or how many times his eyes drifted towards Smitty. He felt like he held himself back, for Smitty’s sake. For he did not want to scare the other away. He had seen the look in Smitty’s eyes when they sprung apart when his phone rang, that stupid phone. He had seen the realisation dawn on him and the immediate look of dissatisfaction. He couldn’t bear to look at the sure to be disgust on Smitty’s face, if he found out that he had wanted to kiss the other for a very long time.

John had always felt unrestricted with Smitty’s presence. He was carefree, happy-go-lucky and it rubbed off on John. John didn’t bite his tongue nor have a care in the world what others might think, almost speaking his mind. He did what he felt was necessary and he didn’t overthink his emotions or feelings, he simply let them be and saw what the future had in store for them. But now…

Now he wasn’t so sure. He had felt like they had been going on the slow path towards more than friendship, but seeing Smitty’s reactions, he fears he was the only one. He liked the way he felt with Smitty, but now he was angry at those feelings. For they might have ruined the only good thing in his life he had left. And that meant he had to keep them under control, he had to watch his every move around the other to not scare him off any more than he had probably already done.

But could he? A small part of him thought it was a good thing to openly show his emotions. If Smitty could see how he felt, then maybe the other wouldn’t reject him, maybe he would get used to it and eventually accept his feelings. He didn’t want to refrain from touching the other, to shower him with affection. That part of him also reminded him to be himself. You can do nothing more than just be you, even if that’s the crazy, in love with their best friend, you. The voice sounded a lot like his momma.

And still, he felt like he had to protect the friendship they had. To not risk any of it, for a stupid thing called love. It was safe to say, John was at war with himself. He didn’t know how to handle the situation, so for now, he decided to just act like he usually would. And that meant not staring at a fake lemon tree used for decorations in the hotel lobby, instead of following Smitty to greet their friends.

As he walked over to the three men, he could see the questions in Tyler and Mini’s eyes, but he shook his head. He himself didn’t know, so how would he be able to tell his friends what was going on? Tyler and Craig shared a look. They both knew it didn’t mean anything good. 

“Soooo,” Smitty said, clapping in his hands, getting everyone’s attention,” Where’s the party at?” Mini gave John a look, noticing how weird the both of them were acting. Smitty obviously faking enthusiasm for the party. “It’s near the convention centre, so not to far away actually,” he said,” We could walk or maybe take a cab.” 

Tyler hummed. “I don’t really feel like walking, so why don’t we take a cab?” he asked. Funny, Smitty thought, I don’t really feel like going at all, but I would’ve rather walked, if only so I wouldn’t have to be so close to John. “Fine by me,” John said and they walked outside the hotel. Hailing a cab wasn’t so difficult, it was almost like the taxi chauffeurs knew about the many YouTubers and the fact that they needed transport. 

The ride to the party was silent, the taxi driver only asking them where they needed to be and announcing they had arrived. As Tyler paid the man, the other three went inside. You could hear the music from outside of the house and a bouncer stood by the door, asking them to see their passes. It was a YouTuber party only, so it did make sense. After showing them their con passes, they were granted access to the house.

The music got really loud the moment they stepped from the hall to the giant living room. It may have looked like a normal, albeit big, house from the outside, on the inside it looked like it was used for only parties. There was almost no furniture, except for some folding chairs and couches here and there so people could take a break and sit down. A DJ booth was placed against the wall on the far end of the room, a big open space in front of it to dance, already filled with people. Light hung from the high ceiling, joined by a disco ball, casting various colours of light over the dancing people. 

A long table filled with drinks, snacks and other various edible things was placed between the living room and what seemed to b the kitchen, blocking off entrance for people that weren’t staff. Various groups of people were scattered around the place, trying to converse above the loud music.

Smitty could feel the base thumping in his chest and he felt the urge to join the others on the dance floor. “Let’s dance!” he shouted, automatically reaching for John’s hand to pull him along. But he hesitated. John gave him a small smile and took his hand. “I’m going to try and find Marcel and Scotty, they should be here by now,” Tyler said, mainly to Mini. “Do you need any help?” Mini asked, but Tyler shook his head. “No, you join those two idiots and keep an eye on them,” Tyler said, motioning to Smitty and John, who were already on the edge of the dance floor. Mini nodded his head,” Will do.”

As Tyler disappeared into the crowds of people, Mini joined his friends in dance. “I hate this song,” he shouted, dancing to it none the less. “Me too,” John called back, shrugging. Smitty was determined to dance his worries away, moving his body to the beat of the song. He never really felt awkward while dancing, everybody looked stupid anyways, so why worry about that? 

So he closed his eyes and let himself be taken away by the music, relieved when a faster paced song came next. He got a weird feeling, like he was being watched, and he was almost sure by who. As he opened his eyes again, he met the gaze of a multi-coloured eyed man, who was watching him intently. A shudder ran down his back and a blush crawled on his cheeks, as he concentrated on the music again. 

Far too soon the music changed to a slow song, the DJ calling for all the lovebirds to join him on the dance floor. Craig looked from John to Smitty, fully expecting them to joke and act all cheesy, but it never came. He frowned as he noticed John quite latterly biting his tongue. At first he looked like he wanted to say something, a joke perhaps, but then he clammed his mouth shut. Smitty seemed to be looking at everyone and everywhere but John. 

“I guess my lonely ass is going to get something to drink, I’m parched,” Craig said and moved towards the table filled with various drinks and cups. The other two followed him, chuckling slightly at the comment. “You know you don’t have to be so lonely,” John said with a smirk. Mini gave him a questioning look. John’s tone was cheeky as he said; “If only you took our residential piggy by his big strong hands and pulled him close so you could feel each other’s heartbeats.”

Mini almost spat out his drink, couching loudly as he choked on it instead. “Kinky,” Smitty said, before laughing at the look on Mini’s face. If looks could kill, there’d be two very dead men now. “Nah, we both know Mini doesn’t have the guts to ask out our big friendly giant,” Smitty said, still teasing the other. Mini was about to retaliate, when a voice from behind him asked “Ask out who?” 

A very bright red appeared on Craig’s cheeks as he turned around to face Tyler. “No one!” he squeaked embarrassingly. Marcel, Simone, Scotty and Chrissy appeared next to Tyler, all of them with something to snack on in hand. The group exchanged greetings and hugs, as well as one could with their hands full. 

As Smitty went to hug the girls, Mini leaned in to whisper into John’s ear. “You are one to talk, btw.” He didn’t miss the flash of realisation followed by a hurt expression on the platinum blonde’s face. His own expression softened. “I’m so-” But John cut him off. “No,” he said,” It’s not your fault it’s not going to work out. So leave it be.”

Craig had even more questions now, that he couldn’t ask either of the two as he looked at John’s expression going back to neutral very fast. He patted John’s arm, feeling the man needed support, but unsure if he let him. He thought on what John just said, but he himself wasn’t so sure that it was so black and white. Things could be very different, especially from his point of view.

John shrugged and tipped the last of his drink back, throwing the cup away and walking back towards the hall. “Where are you going?” Marcel asked. “To take a piss,” John said nonchalantly. The others chuckled, used to the way the man blatantly made things clear. Smitty decided it was time to dance again, feeling more energized after having a drink.

Luckily for him, the girls wanted to dance as well, dragging their boyfriends along. “Woo!” Scotty yelled loudly as he started to flail his arms around widely. Chrissy tried, and failed, to stop him from doing so. Smitty could barely dance from laughing so hard.

After a couple of songs, Smitty noticed John returning, joining in on the conversation between Craig and Tyler after giving him a quick wave. Smitty waved back quickly. Then Fireball by Pitbull began to play and everybody started jumping, energy spiking, and Smitty’s attention was drawn back to the crowd. “Fireball!”

After the song was over, Simone announced she needed a drink and Chrissy joined her. The men stayed behind on the now slightly thinned out dance floor, for another couple of songs. “I’m going to the restroom,” Marcel yelled over the music. “I think I’m going to get another drink,” Scotty yelled back. When they looked questioningly at Smitty, the other shook his head. He wanted to dance some more.

He made some twirls, laughing quietly to himself as he danced silly dance moves. It didn’t matter to him that he was alone, he wasn’t going to be for long. He looked up as a taller dark haired man walked his way. He looked vaguely familiar. 

“Hey, Smitty!” he greeted with a bright smile. “Hi, uhm…” The man laughed. “Anthony, but you might know me as ChilledChaos.” Smitty thought for a moment. “Oh, yeah! We played some G-mod together,” Smitty said,” How are you?”

Chilled gave him another smile. “Good, good, enjoying the con,” he said,” What about you?” Smitty couldn’t help but think the other man had beautiful eyes as he looked at him. His Italian roots made him rather attractive looking. No wonder he had so many people in his social circle. 

“I’m good, really enjoying some time off of YouTube,” he answered. Chilled laughed. ”Yeah. I feel you. Are you alone here tho?” Smitty was touched by the slight worry on the other’s face. “Don’t worry, I’m with a big part of the BBS,” Smitty said, gesturing towards the general area were Wildcat and Miniladd stood. 

“Aah, cool, cool,” Chilled said,” I’m with the Derp Crew.” He wanted to point them out, but couldn’t seem to find them. “They must be around here somewhere,” he shrugged. Smitty laughed.

From a distance, John was watching the interaction. He stood a little aside from the group, eyes strained on the duo. Who was that man and why did he look so familiar? His jealous side was trying to convince him that the man was flirting with his Smitty and that he should go over there and tell him to back off.

He shook his head trying to get rid of the jealous feeling. Smitty didn’t belong to him, he could talk to whomever he wanted to. Even handsome looking Italian men. The telltale crunch of a plastic cup getting crushed in bare hands sounded from right besides John and only then did he notice he wasn’t the only one looking at the two. 

A bearded man about his age, maybe a bit older, placed a now crushed cup on the table and let out a sigh, followed by a muttered ‘Chilled’. And suddenly John knew why they looked so familiar, they had met before, only once or twice. Both the bearded man and the Italian looking fella were part of the Derp Crew, a couple of friends playing games together on YouTube. 

“Hey, you okay?” John asked the frowning man besides him. The other looked surprised up at him. “Uh, yeah… I’m fine,” he said, followed by a sigh. John gave him a disbelieving look. “It’s okay, I know how you feel,” he said. The other had a look similar to shock on his face. “I don’t know what you mean…”

John chuckled,” I can see them too.” They both looked back at Chilled and Smitty, the Italian man busted out laughing at something the other said. The man, whose name still escaped John, began to blush slightly. “Is it really that obvious?” he sighed. John shrugged. He was wondering the same thing. 

“I never meant to have a crush on him,” the other said,” It just… happened. It got even worse when he came to live close by.” John recognised the pained expression on the other’s face. “And you tried to hide your feelings, willing them away. But here you are staring at him as he talks to someone that isn’t you, whishing you just had the balls to go up there and tell him how you feel and prey to some unforgiving being that he feels the same way.” 

The man’s pained eyes made contact with his own full of turmoil. “Like I said,” John sighed,” I know how you feel.” The man gave his shoulder pat. “Feelings suck.” John nodded his head,” Yes they do.” 

On the dance floor, Smitty was trying to maintain the conversation with Chilled, while still dancing. The other turned out to be good company. He noticed Chilled’s smile turning remorseful, as his eyes landed on something away from the dance floor. Smitty was just about to ask him if he was okay, when he saw what the other man was looing at. 

The bearded man next to John seemed familiar and he knew he was part of Chilled’s crew. “Isn’t he your friend? Uh, what’s his name…” Smitty trailed off. “Ze.” Smitty almost didn’t hear him over the music, his voice barely loud enough. “Steven, aka ZeRoyalViking,” Chilled said louder,” He’s my best friend.” 

Smitty looked from the loving look on Chilled’s face, to the bearded man. He knew there was more behind the statement, but he didn’t ask. Without realising, his eyes drifted over to John, who seemed to be conversing with Ze. He sighed. “He’s talking to mine.”

“Why don’t you just tell him what you really feel?” he asked. Chilled looked shocked at the other, they didn’t notice that they stopped dancing. “It’s-” a sigh,” Not that easy.” Chilled rubbed his neck, a blush on his cheeks. Smitty gave him a soft smile. “What if it is?” 

Chilled looked confused, before looking back over to Ze. “What if I told you that it is easy,” Smitty said,” Carry your feet over there. Take him by the hands and tell him how you feel. Don’t let him walk away until you’ve said everything you’d ever wanted to say to him. Just be honest.” He clapped the man on the back. “You have nothing to lose.”

Chilled nodded, fixated on Ze. “I hope it will turn out like with you and Kryoz,” Chilled said, catching Smitty off guard. “W-what do you mean?” Smitty asked bewildered. “Well, you and your boyfriend seem to be very happy together,” Chilled answered. Smitty’s brain short-circuited.

Wait, what.

“I, we-, he’s… he’s not my- we’re not-” he stammered. “Oh…? Oh! Sorry, I thought you were together,” chilled said, seemingly embarrassed. He gave Smitty a quick side hug. “In that case, I hope you follow your own advice,” he said, before letting go of Smitty and walked over to where his hopefully soon to be boyfriend stood. 

Smitty’s thought went on a rampage. Everything came at him all at once, overwhelming him. Memories of him and John together, moments of just John. The way he smiled, his laugh, the way he looked when he got angry. The way it made butterflies fly in his stomach. How he felt safe with John, in his arms, his arms around him, the way he smelled. 

Smitty gasped.

John’s hair, John’s hands, John’s eyes. The cold metal of his rings contrasting the warm fingers intertwined with his. The sudden heavy feeling of one of those rings, wrapped snuggly around his ring finger. It seemed to burn with heat. His chest burned as well, he heaved in air, gasping for breath. The hand with John’s ring grasping the shirt covering the body part with a harshly beating heart. The realisation that he would’ve gladly kissed John had they not been interrupted, hit him hard. Best friends don’t kiss each other. But he had really wanted to. 

He hadn’t realised he stood frozen on the dance floor, surrounded by people, and yet in that moment, so terribly alone. He missed out on how Chilled had walked over to Ze, pulled him into a hug and told him how he felt. He missed how Ze had asked him if he was serious, how Chilled said he was absolutely sure and how they carefully shared their first kiss, right in front of John.

He didn’t see how John gave them a smile and a thumbs up as the two left to be alone together. He didn’t see how John looked back at him, noticing him frozen in place and walking towards him. His thoughts had swallowed him whole, heart pounding, sweat forming on his forehead. 

He only got pulled from those thoughts when he felt a hand on his shoulder. The other on his cheek, softly pulling to make him look into pale eyes. Those beautiful eyes, that always seemed to look straight into his soul. Those eyes that held a fondness reserved just for him, now filled with an intense worry. John’s lips moved, suggesting he said something, but Smitty couldn’t hear. There was a ringing in his ears as he still stood ramrod in place, acutely aware of John’s heat seeping into his skin.

As John moved his other hand to Smitty’s other cheek, his eyes seeming to close in on him, looking for answers Smitty couldn’t give. He began to panic, feeling as if John came closer and closer. He ripped himself away from John’s hold, quick gasps escaping his mouth as he felt like he couldn’t breath. The hurt on John’s face made his heart throb painfully.

He couldn’t stay there, he couldn’t keep looking at John after all the things he thought about, not after realising what the messy feelings making his stomach ache and his skin tingle were. Not after all the things he wanted to do to the other. He couldn’t and wouldn’t confront the feelings running through him. Not now, not ever.

A sob left him as he began to turn away and ran. He ran through the too thick crowd, over the dance floor, towards the door. From the corner of his eye, he spotted Tyler rushing towards him as if he wanted to prevent Smitty from leaving, so he ran a bit faster. Out the door and out of the building. 

He ran, faster even as he heard John shout his name. He ran and ran, straight back to the hotel they stayed at. He ran up the stairs, not bothering with the elevator, 3 floors up and he stormed into his shared room. He began to hastily pack all his belongings back into his suitcase. Only stopping once the adrenaline level started to decrease and his suitcase was zipped shut. 

His knees were shaking and he flopped down to the floor in front of his bed, on which the suitcase laid, trying to stop the sobs threatening to escape his mouth. They couldn’t be stopped and soon he was sobbing his heart out, burying his head into the matrass in front of him. His hands clenching and unclenching as he struggled to breath. 

He could hardly believed what just happened. He really had ran away, hadn’t he? Deep breaths in and out as he tried to calm down, wiping at his eyes to remove the tears. He still felt heartbroken and anxious. He didn’t know what to do. What was he to do? He couldn’t stay in the hotel, the boys would eventually return and he couldn’t face them. He couldn’t face him. But, he couldn’t exactly go home, for it was too close to John. 

“Momma,” he muttered as he took out his phone. Slightly noticing the low battery level, he dialled his family home phone number. “Hi, sweetie,” she said cheerily as she picked up the phone and Smitty, who had just managed to stop crying, started to softly sob again. “Mamma,” he said, through sobs,” Can I come home?” He could clearly hear the worry in her voice as she asked him what had happened and that of course he could come home. Smitty couldn’t tell her, he said he’d explain it later, not now. He just needed to go home. She told him she would be waiting for him and to look out for the hugs and kisses he was going to get from her once he got there.

After talking to his mother, he calmed down a bit. He ordered a plane ticket for the next flight to Canada, which wasn’t all that later, meaning he had to leave for the airport soon. He ordered an uber to get him there. The lady at the reception was quick to help him as he paid for the room in advance, he couldn’t just leave and let John pay for it the next day. She wished him a safe journey and he gave her a smile, wishing her a nice nightshift. 

Once outside, he jumped in the uber that just arrived. Thankfully the driver didn’t feel like having small talk, so it was silent and he had time to think. On his way to the airport, he texted the group chat. A simple message that said that he had personal business he needed to attend to and that he had to go home. The others reacted with kind messages, whishing him well and good luck. And of course the question if he needed anything from MooSnuckel. There was a reason they often referred to him as MamaMoo.

He smiled slightly, but decided not to respond. He pretended not to see the personal message John had sent him. And once he was boarding his plane, after consuming a coffee from the airport café while waiting, he didn’t look at it yet. But eventually he did, and he denied trying not to cry as he turned off his phone. The battery was to low anyway and he needed it to let his family know that he landed. 

As his plane was ready to take off, he never felt as alone as he did then, staring out of the window at the city lights shining brightly in the dark. Maybe he should’ve seen it all coming. Maybe then he could’ve prevented getting to close. Maybe then his heart wouldn’t feel so broken. 

He felt stupid about everything. About feeling that way, about running away from the only one that made him feel so happy. And as the plane took off, he fell into a restless sleep, even with the consumed caffeine in his body. Dreaming of the single message John had sent him.

‘Stay safe for me. I don’t want to lose you.’


	9. Chapter 9

“I fucked up.”

Kryoz let out a sigh as he rubbed a hand over his face. “I really, really, really fucked up.” The call stayed silent as they all watched Delirious’ character running across the open field, towards where people were. The others had all been downed and killed, making Delirious the last survivor of the squad.

“It’s not your fault,” Tyler said, but got cut off by John. “It is.” Moving his hands through his hair, noticing how long it was getting and thinking that he maybe he should have a hair cut. What if he cut it off at the top and let it get its natural colour back? But then again, Smitty had seemed to like his long hair, it made him play with it. He groaned.

“I still think it’s not your fault,” Tyler said, not really helping the other with his frustrated feelings. “How is it not my fault? You were there, you saw it happen!” John exclaimed. He clenched his teeth as he tried to stay calm. There was no need to get angry with someone else, especially if it was his fault he was so frustrated in the first place. “I pushed him away from me and now he doesn’t want to talk to me.”

Tyler hummed. “All I saw was him rushing out of the place after he’d been talking to you-,” he said. “Exactly.” Tyler huffed. “-But, I have the feeling there was more going on, because he was acting a bit off even before the party.” John stayed silent, he had a pretty good idea why Smitty had been acting strange. He had been acting strange as well. “And he wasn’t the only one,” Tyler said accusing.

Delirious shot down another player, getting cheered on by Marcel. “Who we’re talking about?” he asked, slightly distracted by the game. “Smitty,” Tyler said, before John could answer. “What about Smitty?” he asked, crying out in offence as his character got shut down from behind. The screen now reading that their squad got in 4th place. “Isn’t he dealing with some personal, I mean personal, stuff?” Delirious asked, now concentrating on the on-going conversation.

He had noticed Kryoz seemed more frustrated than normal and a lot more talkative, but he hadn’t really thought about it. But now that the topic was about Smitty, their loving Canadian goofball, Delirious thought it strange that he didn’t join their session in Fortnite. His curiosity peaked at another frustrated groan from John.

A new round had started, but none of the players were really paying attention, too caught up in trying to find out what had happened at said party. “…Ok, what did I miss?” Delirious asked. Tyler waited for John to speak, but the other only huffed. “All I know is that we went to a party, had a good time and all of a sudden Smitty bolts from the room and out of the building,” Marcel muttered. Delirious agreed that it seemed like a strange think to do.

“Could it be that he got some bad news, like his dog died or something?” Delirious suggested. Tyler snorted. “Would you suddenly run off when you heard your dog died?” As Delirious looked down at his trusty Pitbull-terrier, who looked up at him and started wagging his tail happily at the attention, he was about to answer that he most definitely would.

“Never mind,” Tyler said,” You probably would.” Delirious bit back at the statement,” Wouldn’t you?” Marcel hummed. “It could explain why he doesn’t want to play with us.” Delirious was surprised. “He isn’t playing with you guys? I know, we- I don’t play that much with him, but you guys…”

It stayed silent in the call as their characters got killed one by one, nobody really caring about that. “Kryoz?” Delirious asked softly. The man made a noise close to a hum, not really wanting to answer. “Why do you think it’s your fault?” the other asked. Curse Delirious and his curiosity and his wish to help others. “Cause it is,” he muttered. He felt no need to elaborate. Delirious shrugged, tho nobody could see. “That would explain why he doesn’t play with you, which surprised me, he- he one time said to me that he was happier, uhm, happiest while playing…with you.”

John couldn’t help but looked shocked at his computer screen that showed Tyler and Marcel’s facecam, but a dark square for Delirious. Delirious seemed to be serious, although he was stumbling over his words. Who knew words could hurt that much? Any other situation this information would’ve made him very happy to hear, but now it hurts. 

“Wait, Delirious, didn’t you and Evan have a similar situation?” Marcel asked suddenly. “Yeah, yeah…” Delirious aid,” We played, like, all the time together. Whether it was just us two or with others.” He sighed and somehow John felt like the man knew exactly what he was going through right now. “But, there was a solo game I wanted to play for the longest of times, but I never had the change to, since I played with others the entire time. It stressed me out. I was so frustrated that I didn’t get to play the game, but at the same time I didn’t want to stop playing with Vanoss. So I told him about it.”

The others could hear the pain of the memory and wishful thinking in Delirious’ voice as he continued talking. “Vanoss actually told me to concentrate on the solo recording, to forget about him and the others and just focus on myself. He told me to not worry about it and message him once I was ready to play games together again. So I took my time, finished the solo gameplay. But then, Cartoonz had been asking to play Battle Block theatre for the longest of times and I felt bad for not playing with him. And so we started playing that game and we got addicted pretty fast, it was so much fun to do. I kinda forgot about playing with you guys and Vanoss…”

Marcel softly told him that it was okay, that it was history now. They could tell Delirious still felt pretty guilty about it. “Anyway, by the time I remembered my promise to Vanoss, I was too late. He was mad at me. I didn’t mean to stop talking to him or you guys; I just got so caught up in other things. Well, Vanoss had seen my gameplays, solo and with Cartoonz. And although he said it was okay, I still could tell he was upset with me. I felt so bad. When I asked him if he wanted to play a game together, he flat out told me no. He decided then to ignore me and most of my messages.”

A dry chuckle escaped his lips. “It actually took you guys to lure him into a G-mod death run without telling him I was there, for me to be able to apologize. I did, to him, to you guys. But he still didn’t want to talk. He left the game and so did I. It was after all my fault he felt that way. I hadn’t even realised how much I missed playing with him, how much I missed him. So I wrote a very long and very sappy message to him, about how much I missed him and how happy playing with him made me, and it was up to him what to do with it. He could either ignore me and I’d accept the fact I’d never talk to him again, or he’d respond and we’d talk it out.”

John didn’t miss how sad Delirious sounded and he felt kind of bad to let the man relive all of it. But on the other hand, it did make him think about how similar it was to his current problem. It brought a different perspective to the case.

“He was a pain in the ass,” Tyler spoke up,” ‘Delirious would’ve liked to see this’, ‘I wish Delirious were here’. Delirious this, Delirious that. He couldn’t stop talking about you even tho he choose to push you away.” Marcel laughed. “Yeah, no. It was really bad,” he said,” Worst part was that he didn’t realise he was being such a dick, only because he was jealous.”

Tyler sighed. “We had to actually straight up tell him to make him realise and accept the fact that he missed Delirious just as much.” John chuckled softly, he could imagine the Canadian doing just that. But thinking about Vanoss, made him think about his favourite Canadian. His best friend that hadn’t returned home yet, after a month, his best friend that didn’t talk to him anymore or play with him. 

No messages, no calls, only short replies and as little interaction as possible. His best friend wanted nothing to do with him and John felt his world crumble. How hadn’t he realised sooner how much Smitty meant to him? How did he not notice that his motivation to do anything was because of the Canadian supporting him to no end? It shouldn’t have had such an impact in his life. It wasn’t like Smitty was his, he was allowed to be wherever he wanted to be, whether that was with or without John.

And still, John didn’t want him to be anywhere else but at his side. Not being able to touch the other, to cuddle with him or see him smile had actually done quite a number on John’s mood. He no longer wanted to try and crawl out of bed before midday, or be productive. He hadn’t been outside for weeks, even ordering his groceries to be delivered to his house. How did he manage to function like a normal human being before Smitty came into his life? He should be used to being alone and not wanting to talk to anyone, but after having a very talkative person constantly at his place, talking his ears off, he obviously was not used to it. 

Someone scraped their throat and only then did John realise it was completely silent and his character was running into a wall, for who knows who long. The other’s stayed silent as he steered his character away from the wall and back into the zone, which was petty far away from him. “So, Delirious… how did you two makeup?” Tyler asked, hinting about a possible way to fix things for John. Delirious was silent for a moment, Tyler knew how they made up, but then he caught on and started to talk. 

“Everyday I sent a message telling him that I was sorry, about what a shitty friend was and everything… but at first he didn’t reply,” he said,” eventually I was beginning to lose hope and I wanted to give up. Just accept my fate. I send one last message, telling him that I accepted the fact he didn’t want to talk to me ever again and that I wished him good luck and I hoped he’d get happy. And that I was sorry that it meant no longer having me in his life.”

John could feel the pain, he recognised it. “Then he replied, telling me how awful he felt for making me feel that way and asked me if we could talk,” Delirious continued,” We talked, all night long. He told me his side of the story and I told mine. Lots of feelings got outed. Then we kept apologizing to each other until we couldn’t keep our eyes open. We were exhausted because of everything that had happened and the relief we felt when we decided that we couldn’t go without each other. I ended up falling asleep at the computer.”

Delirious giggled. “Of course he texted me to tell me he knew I did the next morning. And everything felt like it was right back to the old times, or something. It felt good to have it all out in the open, no miscommunications, no misinterpretations. Just us and how we felt.”

John sighed. Would he ever have the change to tell Smitty about he felt? Nah, that chance was probably long gone. “That was pretty brave of you,” Marcel said,” It’s not easy to own up to your mistakes, let alone talk about your feelings.” Delirious huffed, he could’ve shrugged, yet they wouldn’t know. John’s head was starting to hurt, so he quitted out of the game. 

“Kryoz,” Delirious said quickly, before John could close discord. “Yes?” John muttered. “Just… don’t give up. Sometimes things are not what they seem,” Delirious aid softly. He hoped it gave some form of comfort to the platinum blonde. John nodded, then left the call. His head was pounding and he needed to sleep.

So off he went, changing into something more comfortable and crawled back into bed, desperately trying not to think about a warm body pressed against his, stealing his warmth, cold bare feet against his warm skin. He tried so hard not to think about sleepy murmurs and soft chuckles, fingers curled into his hair, or hands in his. 

As sleep finally dragged him under, he was still plagued by dreams of deep brown eyes and sinful smiles so bright. Making his heart ache and in the morning he’d have to wipe the tears from his eyes again. Just like every night since April 27th. Just like every lonely night since Smitty ran away from him.

And he took John’s heart with him.


	10. Chapter 10

“Sweetie?” a female voice sounded through the closed door, followed by a knock. The boy grunted and hid in his blankets on the bed. He did not want to talk to his mother, for he knew what she wanted to talk about. 

Luck wasn’t in his favour, he could not escape as the door opened and his mom stepped into the room. “Sweetie,” she said softly as she made her way over to the bed, where Smitty sat covered in blankets with his laptop on his lap. He quickly closed his laptop, hoping she hadn’t seen whose YouTube page he had been staring at for the last couple of hours.

“How is John?” she asked. So she had possibly seen it, or would she have asked it anyway. He simply shrugged. “…Jaren.” He looked up at her, seeing the worried look in her eyes. “What’s going on?” she asked,” You come home, in tears, and you won’t leave your room.” 

He looked away, feeling slightly ashamed for not really giving her and his dad an explanation. “Don’t get me wrong, I like to have you home again, but you seemed so happy where you lived in America,” she said, as she laid her hand on top of his,” and you seem so unhappy now. What happened that made you so upset?”

Smitty took her hand in his, idly playing with her wedding ring. It reminded him of how it felt to hold a hand filled with rings, how weird it felt, and how much he missed it at the same time. “Why do you think I’m upset?” he asked softly. She gave him a deadpan look. “You come home crying for your momma.”

He snorted. I guess I did, he thought. “And I have a feeling it has to do with John.” He chocked on his own spit. Curse her for being so observant. Coughing loudly, he asked where she got that idea. “Every time you’d talk to me, you’d say something about him. Whether it was something you two did or what eh said that made you laugh. You haven’t mentioned him once since you came home,” she said.

It was quiet for a bit, Smitty never realised how much he talked about the other. He guessed he couldn’t help it. “Did he hurt you?” she asked softly. “No!” he reacted immediately,” No, he would never.” A small smile appeared on his mother’s face. “Did someone else hurt you? Did people upset you by saying certain things?” she asked.

Smitty shook his head, unsure of what she meant by that. A memory of him and John at the park resurfaced. They sat together on a park bench, getting chewed out by a homophobic woman in front of her kids. He groaned and covered his face with his hands. At the time, he had been very confused why the woman was preaching about sinning to them, but looking back now, he understood. She had thought they were a couple, gay none the less. Her poor Christian heart couldn’t comprehend the idea probably.

It made him wonder for how long they had acted so… couple like. He groaned again. He felt a warm pair of arms surround him, pulling him into a hug. “Tell me,” his mother said softly, yet sternly. “I-I don’t actually know,” he said, leaning into her embrace,” One moment, everything was good and the next my head just starts to think and I got… I got scared, mom.” She kissed his forehead. “I was so happy… so content. And then I just knew that I was going to fuck everything up… I felt like I could end up getting hurt again…”

It took him a second to realise that he had tears rolling over his cheeks. He had been happy. Really happy. And then came his old friend, fear, making him run away. “It’s okay, sweetie, you don’t have to be afraid,” his mother said after he calmed down a bit. “I know that, but at the same time…” he sighed,” I-I just want it to be like how it used to be.” He sighed again. 

Oh how wishful and naïve he was. How could it go back to how it was, when he knew how he felt now, after realising what had been going on between them? How could he face the other, after running away from him? Ignoring him, possibly upsetting him and hurting him. How would he have felt if John was to suddenly draw away from him, to not want anything to do with him?

The tears were back, feelings of despair overwhelming the poor man. His mother held him, softly rocking him in her arms. Smitty finally let out all the tears that he had been holding since that one faithful day. Ever since discovering his true feelings for his best friend. It felt good to let it all out, even tho it made him feel slightly exhausted. 

His mother kissed the top of his head. She felt sorry for her son, seeing him so upset made her sad and worried for him. She wished she could take some of the pain away, but she had no control over the matters of the heart. He’d have to figure these things out on his own. 

It reminded her of something that happened many years ago, making her son so upset that at one point; he hardly ate and never left his room. She hoped it wouldn’t get to that point again, but she feared it might. Especially since he had admitted to being scared to be hurt again. If only he saw the way he looked when he talked about the other. If only he could see what she, his dad and probably his friends could see. She still held hope. At least this time he had other friends to support him.

As Smitty wiped his face, she hugged him tightly one more time before letting him go. “Thanks mom,” he muttered. “Anytime,” she said,” Now why don’t you play some games, maybe you could invite some friends to play with you. They’ll be able to distract you.” He gave her a smile and a nod. Maybe he might just do that.

Looking at videos where he and Kryoz are playing together wasn’t doing much good to his already depressed state of mind. Yeah, playing some mindless shooter sounded good. His mother gave him a pat on the head, before she left his room to go back downstairs. Smitty sighed, climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom. Playing games was something better done without a full bladder.

He tried not to think too much about John as he booted up is PC and gaming consoles. Memories of John knocking at his door, taking him places, buying them milkshakes flooded his brain. The more he tried not to think about John, the more memories came to mind. John’s smile, his hands in his, the intense gaze in John’s beautiful eyes. Their late night Skype calls, replaced by late night conversations while staring at the ceiling above them.

Smitty thought about how well he knew the other and that somehow, the man was still mysterious. Never one to share a lot of his feelings, and yet many of his weird thoughts, John could surprise him very time. For as long as he knew John, he’d never heard of a girlfriend, or boyfriend, in his life. He hardly ever talked about such things. 

John knew of his short relationship with an amazing girl. Chloe had been absolutely wonderful, full of sweetness and kindness. Sadly, she had to move away and they both knew a long distance relationship wouldn’t last. They said their goodbyes, both with tears in their eyes, promising to keep in touch.

At some point in time he had gotten a few texts from her, where she told him about a new love she found. She made him promise to do the same, but he hadn’t been ready yet. He had spilled his heartbreak to John, who had supported him and distracted him with playing games. It seemed like such a long time ago.

He blinked, he had been staring at his desktop for who knows how long. Suddenly, a notification from Discord popped up. Tobyonthetele invited you to the call ‘ we need to talk’. Well, that didn’t sound ominous at all. He pressed accept and put on his headphones.

“What’s up?” he said, adjusting his microphone. “Smitty,” Toby said as a greeting. “Yo,” another voice said, sounding like it came from same mic. “Who else is in the call?” Smitty asked suspicion in his voice. “Just me and Fitz,” Toby said,” He’s here with me.” It was silent. 

“Smitty, what’s going on with you?” Toby asked,” You seemed to practically disappear. You ignore us and our invites to game.” Smitty stayed silent. “You don’t seem to want to talk to us, and- and you’re being very moody whenever we do. Do you not want to hang out anymore?” Toby asked, hurt clearly present in her voice.

“…I’m sorry,” Smitty said softly,” I never meant to upset you.” He sighed. He really hadn’t noticed how he behaved towards his other friends. Truth be told, he was afraid that John would be playing with the Misfits. He could vaguely hear whispering on the other side. “We’re just worried about you, buddy,” Fitz’s voice sounded louder and more clearly, suggesting he took the microphone. 

“I’m fine,” he muttered. “Really?” Toby asked from the background,” How come Kryoz said something different?” Smitty looked up in surprise, hearing Fitz say something to Toby about ‘threading lightly’. “What? What did John say?” 

It seemed Toby had taken the microphone from Fitz again as she sounded more clearly this time. “We invited him and you for around of CS:GO, but you didn’t react and he said something about ‘he probably knows I’m here’ and left, before we could ask what he meant.” Smitty hurt, hearing those words.

He really had upset John. “Later on, when we messaged him that you didn’t show up, eh said it was because you were dealing with some shit.” There was rustling in the background. “We we’re actually thinking that having Kryoz in the group, would convince you to play with us,” Fitz said,” But now we know that had the opposite effect. Do you not like John anymore?” Smitty scoffed,” Of course I still like John, a lot actually.” Toby and Fitz shared a look. “So what happened between you two?” Fitz asked.

Smitty sighed. He had trouble thinking about the whole situation. Just as he was about to answer that nothing was wrong, Fitz spoke up again. “And no bullshitting us, Smitt.” He sighed again. “I… it’s just, difficult to explain,” he muttered. ”Take your time,” Toby said, her voice calm and supportive. 

Smitty took a deep breath and started to talk. He told them about how he and John hang out all the time; sometimes he trailed of when talking about how John did certain things. Eventually, he told them about the convention back in April. “Wait,” Toby said, sounding almost excited,” You kissed?”

Smitty flushed a bright red. He was fortunate enough that no one could see. “No! I didn’t even realise what was happening, it just felt…” he trailed off. “Right?” Fitz asked. Smitty was slightly shocked. It had felt right, in that moment, staring into each other’s eyes, heart pounding. He realised now that he would’ve kissed him, would they not have been interrupted. 

He could vaguely hear Toby muttering angrily, the words ‘stupid’ en ‘Miniladd’ falling from her lips. “What happened next?” Fitz asked, ever so calmly. Smitty couldn’t see him pulling Toby close, muttering softly into her ear, asking her to stay calm. He also couldn’t see the sigh she let out, before nodding and both sharing a smile.

“Well…” Smitty said and started to explain how he had talked to ChilledChaos and the sudden realisation that made him leave. “…What’s the problem exactly?” Fitz asked sounding confused. “The problem is that I…” Smitty gasped,” I love John… I am in love with him…”

Smitty’s lips began to tremble as he let his own words settle in. He loved John. His breath came in small gasps. He loved John. His vision became blurry as tears gathered in his eyes. He began to feel dizzy as that one single thought circled his mind. 

He was in love with John.

“-itty?! Smitty!” Fitz called out,” Breath! Hey, buddy. Deep breaths.” Smitty took a big gulp of air. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Breath. In…out,” Fitz said. Smitty took some more unsteady breaths, the pain in his chest getting less and less.

“Hey…” Toby said after a bit of Smitty taking deep breaths,” Are you okay?” Smitty shook his head, then realised they couldn’t see it. “No,” he said. It stayed silent for a bit. “So… you love him,” Toby said softly,” Why does that make you so upset?” Fitz was as confused as she was. Wasn’t love supposed to be a good thing?

“I-I don’t…” Smitty started, then groaned. He knew why it made him so upset, why it made him feel so scared. “I’m just scared.” He wrapped his arms around himself. “I’m just terrified,” he muttered. 

“Love can be a scary thing,” Fitz said, looking at Toby as he spoke,” When you don’t know if the feeling is reciprocated or not. Or when you just found out your feeling were changing towards a certain person.” Toby gave him a small smile and hugged him softly. 

“It’s not that,” Smitty muttered,” I’m afraid history will repeat itself, even tho it’s been such a long time ago…” The other two stayed silent, letting Smitty gather his thoughts. “You better sit down, cause it’s a long story,” he muttered. “Oh, that’ll be no problem, my seat is comfy and warm,” Toby said, making Fitz chuckle. Smitty slightly wondered what exactly she meant by that, but decided not to think about it further.

“It’s been, what, 7? 8? Years ago?” he sighed,” anyway, I just transferred to a different school, yay, and had a totally new class and didn’t know any one. I was assigned to sit next to a boy, big for his age with quite some muscles, while I was a bit chubby. So I sat besides him, to shy to speak to him, feeling awkward as shit. But he wasn’t, he talked to me, tried to coax me out of my shell. He succeeded. Tom was his name. He was actually the first one to call me Smitty.”

He chuckled dryly. “We became close friends real fast. We hang out all the time, late night staying up playing videogames, sleepovers, and all that kind of stuff. The very first best friend I had in my life. I felt so happy. I felt happiest when I was with him, all warm and fuzzy feelings. I loved making him laugh and see his smile.”

I didn’t think too much about it at the time. I just let the feelings run free. I told my mom how I felt and she told me to tell him. I guess she knew more than I did. She said to me that when people made me happy, I should always tell them. People liked to hear they made others happy.”

“So, there I went with a smile on my face, on my way to his house. We actually met up in the middle, since he was on his way to me. So there I stood, cheeks burning telling him how I felt. How much I loved hanging out with him and how happy he made me.”

A sad expression appeared on his face, as he recalled the moment his heart broke. “I thought he’d be happy to hear those things, but instead he gave me a strange look. Then, after a very awkward silence he asked me if I was confessing to him. I was so shocked, I hadn’t actually thought about it. I realised then and there that those feelings were me having a big crush on him and I accidentally confessed my feelings to him. He took my silence as confirmation and told me how sorry he was. He didn’t feel the same. How stupid and naïve I was…” 

He sighed. “You got rejected, that’s rough buddy,” Fitz said. ”It’s not just the rejection that scarred me,” Smitty groaned, rubbing his face with his hands,” It was the fact that I was too oblivious to see what my feelings meant. He also told me we could still be friends, which made me feel really relieved. He said nothing would change between us. Bullshit. He left me standing there on the sidewalk as he walked away from me.”

“So the next day at school, I fully expected we were still god, sitting at our usual spot in class. He walked in, looked at me, and then sat down besides someone lese. My heart was broken. From then on, in class he sat beside others and never once with me. At lunch break I sat alone at a table, because my usual companion sat somewhere else, far from me. Somewhere where I wasn’t welcome. I still tried to talk to him, in the hallways, but he ignored me and avoided me.”

“I lost my best friend, all because I confessed feelings I didn’t even know I had. I was alone again. And to make matters worse, the bullying began. He had told his new friends about my confession and they started to call me all kinds of name between ‘gay piece of shit’ to straight up ‘faggot’. They pushed me around in the hall and kept telling people I liked dicks up my ass.” 

It was eerie silent for a moment, before Toby could be heard swearing loudly and cursing every mindless homophobic bastard who dared to do such things. Fitz tried his best to calm her down, but to no avail. He himself had trouble thinking about such a painful thing. He felt his pride and admiration swell up as he watched her rant about idiot people that should be removed from the earth. He hugged her tightly to his chest, making her shut up. 

“Yeah, life was absolutely amazing,” Smitty said,” Even more so after I had to change school again, because my parents decided the school didn’t properly handle the bullying behaviour. I was still lonely, but that changed when I started playing online games and met a whole bunch op people. Starting YouTube could’ve been the best decision of my life.”

“I’m happy we met,” Smitty sighed,” Never knew I needed such crazy bastards located on the other side of the earth in my life.” Smitty laughed softly. “And you met John,” Toby said,” That made you happy as well.” Smitty’s smile disappeared. “True… very happy…” 

He’d known John for about 5 years now. In the beginning he was unsure of the seemingly depressed man. But they got along pretty well and quickly got attached to each other. Their friends, for having the same type of stupid jokes, even called them the same person. 

If he thought about it, it was mostly John that managed to drag him out of his depressed state. Even when he was in a bad mood, playing with John always made him happy. He noticed the other trying his best to make him laugh, telling him extra stupid jokes. It was the same way around. He tried his best to make John laugh, whenever he was feeling extra down. They kept an eye out for each other, often talking with just the two of them. 

Over the years they had gotten close, often making jokes and references that only the other understood. Their friends had often said they were two peas in a pot, partners in crime. Smitty smiled as he thought about it. Then his sile disappeared once again as he thought about how his feelings had changed towards his best friend. 

He didn’t want to hurt John. He didn’t even know how the other felt about him, but he couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t put what they had at risk, he couldn’t afford to lose the other. He wouldn’t survive John’s rejection, leaving him and never talking to him again. He wished he never had fallen in love with him. Oh how his heart ached. And as long as his heart kept speeding up when he thought about John, he couldn’t risk talking to him. He had to get his feelings in check first, maybe then he could handle being near the other again. 

“Smitty? You still with us?” Fitz asked, concern in his voice. He and Toby shared a look. “Yeah,” he answered,” Sorry. Just…thoughts.” Fitz chuckled. “Don’t let them be bad tho. I’d have a headache if I were thinking as much as you probably do.” Toby cut in. “Fortunately, Smitty has a higher IQ than you do.” 

Smitty could hear a undignified screech and he guessed Fitz had pushed her off the chair. He was close, Fitz had pushed her off of his lap, but she caught herself, looping her arms around Fitz’s neck. Luckily, Fitz could prevent them from crashing to the ground.

“You like John, right?” Toby asked after sitting back down properly on Fitz’s lap. “Yeah,” Smitty said, unsure. “And John most probably likes you as wel-”  
“You don’t know that.”  
“Neither do you for certain.”  
Smitty shook his head. He wasn’t particularly going to ask John how he felt. He heard Toby sigh.

“You’ll never now if you don’t tell him,” Toby said sternly,” Don’t let the fear of history repeating itself hold you down. He might as well feel the same about you and then you can be happy.” Smitty was no longer listening, constant words of uncertainty repeated in his head. 

He didn’t feel the same, he would fuck it up again, they couldn’t be happy together, it was for the best to leave now that he still could, he had to protect himself, don’t let him get too close.

“Even if he did, he won’t anymore, I hurt him,” Smitty said defeated. “I disagree,” Toby said. It was silent, neither knowing what to say. “So…” Fitz spoke up,” What about we stop thinking for now and play some CS:GO?” Toby huffed, not wanting to change the subject, but Smitty agreed. “I just want to shut my brain off,” he said. “CS:GO it is!” Fitz said excited.

As Smitty started up the game, he could hear Fitz move from Toby’s room to his own. Not long after, he forgot all about his turmoil as he tried to land the weirdest trick shots and wall-bangs. Although the anxiety never really left him and his night terrors woke him up at 4 am every night, talking to Toby and Fitz had helped a lot.

And when a couple of weeks later an invitation to Wildcat’s annual 4th of July party came, they encouraged him to go. Because, Toby had said, you need to face John sooner or later. For once, Smitty agreed with her and decided to pack his stuff and record some extra stuff for videos, just in case. 

His anxiety level rose everyday until he caught a plane to go visit Wildcat. With bags under his eyes, due to almost no sleep and tensed shoulders from too much stress, he tried to mentally prepare himself. He just hoped he was brave enough. Although he began to doubt it more and more the closer he got. 

Only when he was almost at his destination did he realise how much he had missed John and how much he missed his friends. God… he had been such a terrible friend to them. And as he thought about how much pain he caused John by his shitty behaviour, he fought back the tears threatening to spill.

He was the one to push the other away and with that, he had probably caused John to hate him, or at least dislike him very much. John wanted nothing to do with him anymore, he was sure. He had turned his biggest fear into reality and he hadn’t even realised it. 

Would John even accept his apology? How could John forgive him when he was sure that he could never forgive himself for what he did? He didn’t deserve forgiveness. Not from the one that he held so dear, the one he hurt deliberately. His best friend. When had he lost control of the situation? Where did he let it all go wrong?

And with all those heavy thoughts, he rang the doorbell of Wildcat’s house. Not even slightly ready for what was to come and all who’d be waiting for him.


	11. Chapter 11

Here he was again, sitting on the couch, impatiently bouncing his leg, waiting for his best friend to arrive. Last time John had to go to his parents and he hadn’t seen Smitty for a couple of weeks. Man had those weeks been long. Now, he hadn’t seen the other in months. There were no words to describe how much he missed Smitty.

He was also nervous, after what happened in April, he had no idea how Smitty would react. He hoped the other had worked through his feelings, he knew Smitty could get swallowed by thoughts and he hoped he had given the other enough time to work through them.

He just wanted his best friend back and he was willing to do everything to make that happen. All he wanted was to wrap his arms around him and hold him close. To feel him close to him, to hear his laugh, to see him smile. 

He saw Tyler giving him a look out of the corner of his eyes. John had told his friends how he felt about their Canadian milk bag and they all wanted to help. They had told him how they thought he and Smitty were perfect for each other. Even Delirious asked how he could help. John had casually said he could lure Smitty by saying he was coming to the party as well, which earned him a chuckle from the masked man.

“If it takes me showing my face to get you two together, I’d do it without hesitation,” Delirious said, letting everyone know how serious he was. Evan immediately began to protest, telling him to not joke about such things and that he should always choose for himself whether he wanted to show his face or not and to not be pressured into it. Delirious chuckled.

As the two bantered about it, the others laughed. John felt flattered. It meant a lot to him. His friend’s support meant the world to him. Tho he would’ve loved Smitty even if they didn’t agree. He remembered telling Grizzy and Blarg about it as well. They had asked if he and Smitty were up for a game of Rainbow Six Siege.

“I don’t mind, tho I don’t think Smitty can play,” he had said. Blarg had asked if he was okay, he thought something bad had happened. He wasn’t that wrong. “Is he in the hospital?! Is that why he hasn’t been posting vids?” Grizzy had yelled at him to calm down.

“Uhh…” John had said, blinking,” No, he’s fine, I think. Last time I checked he wasn’t in the hospital. I don’t know.” Blarg had gasped. “What do you mean ‘you don’t know’? Aren’t you two practically living together?” Grizzy asked. “He’s been at is parents house for quite some time now,” John explained,” He needed time to himself.”

“Oh, okay,” Blarg said. “I haven’t really talked to him since then,” John said. He could hear one of them mutter a ‘damn’. “Wait, for how long have you not seen each other?” Grizzy asked. “Since April.”

“Wait, what-” Blarg sounded shocked. “That’s like 2 whole months,” Grizzy muttered. John shrugged. “Yeah,” he said,” So… Siege?” After that they invited some others, boosted up the game and fixed their recording programs. 

Some time later he found himself in a Discord call with the BBS boys, minus Smitty. Wildcat had invited them all to his 4th of July party, stating that it was the place to be to see John and Smitty getting together. So it was no surprise that a whole lot more people said they were going to come.

Brock asked if it was okay. “Sure,” Wildcat said,” But you’ve got to bring your own air mattresses and sleeping bags. The floor is big enough to fit all of you.” They laughed. It seemed fair enough. Even DaithiDeNogla and Terroriser said they’d come, flying all the way from Ireland. John had eventually only packed one suitcase with a pyjama and comfy clothes. If there was no space, he didn’t mind sleeping on the floor. He wouldn’t mind to sleep anywhere, as long as he could lie besides Smitty.

The doorbell rang, pulling him out of his thoughts. He jumped up from the couch as if it had been set on fire. Tyler gave him a grin, gesturing to him to stay put as he went to see who had arrived. John hoped it was Smitty. He couldn’t help the disappointed feeling when the wrong Canadian walked through the door.

Evan couldn’t help the laugh that slipped past his lips as he saw the clear disappointment on John’s face. “It’s nice to know you’re happy to see me,” he said cheeky. John felt only a little bit guilty. “I hope this isn’t going to be an annual thing,” Evan said, referencing last year’s 4th of July. He laid a hand on the other’s shoulder in greeting,” How are you holding up?”

John gave him a smile and a shrug. “He hasn’t left the couch or let is eyes wander from the door,” Miniladd said as Evan went to greet the others. “Poor guy,” Chrissy said, watching John ignore them in favour of staring at the door again. That moment, Brian and Nogla walked back into the door, followed by Marcel and Simone. “Hey, Owlman decided to join the party,” Nogla said. 

Terroriser wasted no time in pulling Evan in for a hug, ignoring the other’s distaste of personal bubble invasions. He had missed seeing his friends in the flesh instead of having to see them through a computer screen. “Oof, hi, good to see you too Brian, you can let go now,” Evan said, trying to breath. Brian apologized and put him back down on the ground. 

Nogla opted to just bump fists with him, and then sat down next to Brock on the two sitter. Simone gave Evan a quick hug, just like Marcel, before walking back to the kitchen to get some drinks. Evan looked around the room, noticing how there seemed to be a lot of sitting space in John’s perimeter. It seemed like every one reserved the spot right besides John for their bouncy milkbag friend. 

John looked up as Evan sat in the chair besides the couch. The man gave him a small smile. John felt his nerves rise again, now that everyone had arrived but Smitty. The next time the doorbell rang, it had to be him. A hand waving in front of his face interrupted John’s intense stare at the living room door. 

“Huh, what?” he asked, looking up at Tyler. “I asked what kind of pizza you wanted, so I can order, doofus,” the taller man laughed. “Oh… pepperoni, I guess,” he answered. Tyler nodded and went back to his phone to finish ordering. John ignored the grins and looks from his friends, as well as the muttered ‘we know who he is daydreaming about’ from Scotty. Evan chuckled and John looked his way.

“Delirious is texting me,” Evan answered a non asked question,” he asks how it’s going.” John raised his eyebrow. “…Yeah, ok. He asks if you and Smitty have kissed yet,” Evan said with a roll of his eyes. “Ever the patience and subtleness himself, isn’t he?” John said, giving a shrug. “That’s Delirious,” Evan said with a fond smile. He went back to replying to their masked friend.

Some time of soft chatter, playing music and John staring at the door later, the doorbell rang. “Pizza?” Craig asked excited. “Or Smitty,” BigJigglyPanda said, looking up from his phone to stare at the platinum blonde on the other side of the room. “Time to find out,” Tyler said as he walked through the door, towards the front door. He left the door to the living room open.

It took an awful long time before Tyler returned. Or maybe it was just John’s perception of time in that moment as his anticipation grew. Tyler gave John a guarded look that had him on edge instantly, before moving towards the kitchen. Finally, fucking finally, John laid his eyes upon the one person he desperately wanted to see.

Smitty walked inside the room, shoulders tensed, nervously looking around. “Hi,” he said timidly and did a little wave to everyone staring at him. John definitely was staring at the other. Smitty looked… horrible to be quite frankly honest. There were dark bags under his eyes, his hair was sticking up in all directions suggesting he had ran his hand through it many times and the look in his eyes was fearful. His skin was looking very pale and he was nervously tugging at the hem of his shirt as he stood in the doorway.

And still, he was the prettiest sight John had seen all week. Truth be told, John himself didn’t look to good either, having had almost no sleep in a couple of months. He felt worry rise up in tidal waves as he looked at his best friend. The air was getting thick with tension, as John stood from the couch, ready to get charged at by a smaller body. 

Their eyes met and before he knew it, Smitty had quietly excused himself and went to the kitchen. John felt his heart break into little pieces. The saddest look in Smitty’s eyes was like a stab in the back. His best friend had looked at him with hurt in his eyes and instead of running straight into his arms like he normally would do, he went the other way.

“What the fuck just happened?” Mini asked, breaking the suffocating silence. John still stood there frozen. Evan stood up and snapped his fingers in John’s face. “What are you still standing here for?” he asked sternly,” Go after him!”

John shook his head, getting out of his daze. Evan was right. Now wasn’t the time to get lost in hopelessness. Marcel walked into the room, looking utterly confused. “Why did Smitty just rush to the porch? He looked like he couldn’t breath…” John frowned. The sudden feeling of knowing what was wrong with the other hit him. 

“To be honest, when I opened the door, he looked ready to either bolt or faint on the doorstep,” Tyler said. Everyone’s eyes were on John as he let out a sudden storm of curse words. John knew why Smitty had looked afraid and if he took a moment to get his thoughts in order, he’d remember that Smitty once told him one of his biggest fears. 

John left for the backyard, not saying anything to the people watching him go. Smitty was scared out of his mind and he needed John. So that’s what he did. He went to help his best friend.

Smitty gasped, breathing in the fresh evening air as he got outside. He was freaking the fuck out. He took another deep breath, trying to calm down. Why did he think he was ready to face John? He definitely was not. Not even Toby’s pep talk or Fitz’s reassuring words helped him. Just one look at John and all he wanted was to run to him, letting himself get wrapped up in strong arms.

“I can’t do this,” Smitty murmured, rubbing his face with his hands. “Heya Smitt,” Nogla said all of a sudden. Smitty jumped in fear, only now noticing the two Irish men standing near a fridge, beers in hand. “You want one?” Nogla asked,” There’s plenty left.” Smitty stared in shock at the tall man holding out an unopened bottle of beer. 

“You alright?” Brian asked after the other styed silent. The two Irish men shared a worried look. “Why don’t you sit down?” Nogla said, gesturing to the rocking chairs on the porch. He was worried that Smitty might faint he looked so pale. Smitty shook his head and took some deep breaths. Get a hold of yourself! He berated himself. 

“Smitty? You don’t look so good,” Brian said, laying a hand on the man’s shoulder. Smitty tried not to step away from the two, but then he saw John stepping on the porch from the corner of his eyes. “John,” he whispered, sharply. 

He could feel his eyes on him and he knew he needed to get away. But where could he go? John was blocking the entrance to the house and he couldn’t go round and enter through the front door again, that’d be weird. He looked to his side, eying the wide patch of grass that was surrounded by fence. It was part of the Wildcat residence. He almost couldn’t make out the fence, for it was getting darker.

Oh well, anything was better than having to face John’s wrath. Maybe sometime he would be ready, but that time was not now. As he saw John near them, he abruptly turned away from the two Irish men and started crossing the grass. Nogla called after him, but he didn’t listen. 

Voices were taking over his rational thoughts.   
‘He doesn’t love you.’   
‘He never will.’  
‘Why would he ever want someone like you?’  
The voices began to sound a lot like his old high school bullies.  
‘Faggot.’  
‘Worthless.’  
‘You disgust me.’  
‘Nobody likes you.’

He tried to drown the voices out. “No, no, no,” he kept muttering. All of a sudden, he ran into the fence. He hadn’t noticed how fast he had been walking and that he had already crossed the small field. Out of breath and in tears, he slid down the fence, burying his face in his arms, resting them upon his knees.

‘I’m loved’ he tried to think, battling against the dark thoughts, ‘They like me’, ‘I have friends’, and ‘I have fans that love to watch my videos’. It got harder and harder to believe the things he said to himself. Why was it so hard to not believe what the bullies said? Why couldn’t he escape their harsh words?

As he sat there, all by himself, he started to tremble slightly. He was alone. And it was entirely his own fault. He pushed the one’s that wanted to help away from him, he was so sure he needed to deal with his problems alone. He couldn’t accept the help they offered so kindly. He pushed away the one person that was so damn good to him, so damn good at making him forget his troubles and now they were overwhelming him.

All because he was too afraid. Too afraid to let himself be held. Too afraid to confide in John. Too afraid to let his fear go.

Too afraid to be loved. Too afraid to love.

John saw Smitty cross the grass and gritted his teeth. He was fully ready to dash right after him, to stop him from running away from him. But his path got blocked by two angry looking Irish men. “Explain,” Brian hissed. “Did you hurt Smitty?” Nogla asked. “What? No!” John yelled angry,” I would never!” He was losing his patience, he didn’t have time to explain. 

“Then why is he so upset with you?” Brian asked, his arms no longer crossed in front of his chest. John let out a frustrated sigh. “Because he’s afraid,” he said,” Because he’s in love with me.” Nogla looked shocked. “What…?” John rolled his eyes.

“He’s in love with me and he’s afraid it’ll end up in the same way as the last guy he confessed to,” John said, pushing past the two,” Now if you’ll excuse me. I’m going to tell my best friend that I’m in love with him as well.” He left the two shocked Irish men behind him as he strode across the small field.

He could spot Smitty hunched over against the fence in the corner. It pained him to know his friend had tried to get as far away as possible from him. Now that he thought about it, it was probably the same reason why he hadn’t seen Smitty on 2 months. He hoped giving him time and space would have helped, but now he was afraid that it had unwillingly done more harm.

“Should’ve just told you how I felt…”

Maybe he should’ve been clearer towards the other. He thought it had been going well on it’s own, their relationship slowly evolving into something more. He just thought Smitty noticed as well, but in hindsight, maybe he hadn’t. Smitty could be pretty oblivious to situations happening around him. He never noticed when there was drama in the community or between some of their friends. He sighed. Now was not the time to think about the hundreds of ‘what if’s. His friend needed him. 

He slowed down once he neared Smitty. The other couldn’t see him coming for he was hiding his head in his arms, but John was sure he could hear him. He got no reaction however as he sat down beside the other. “Hey, Smithers.” He reached out his hand to ruffle Smitty’s hair, like he had done so many times before. It would calm the other down almost instantly.

But this time, as soon as he touched the other man, he flinched away. John tried his best not to sigh, leaning back against the fence. Patience was the best thing to have right now. He just had to wait until Smitty was ready to talk to him. And once he did, John would tell him how much Smitty meant to him.

The sky was getting darker and the wind picked up, blowing cold air across the field. Smitty shivered. The adrenaline in his body subsided, no longer making him sweat, and without a jacket the air was a bit too cold for him. Not that he was comfortable anyway. He shivered again as the wind blew through his t-shirt. The man beside him suddenly moved around, after sitting still for so long. He could tell by the way his clothes made a rustling sound.

He felt something warm wrap around him and he realised John had taken off the sweater he had been wearing and draped it over Smitty’s back. Didn’t he realise he could get cold now? The idiot. Smitty clenched the sweater in his fist as he gladly took in the warmth it provided.

Then again, John had always done stupid things if it concerned some one he cares about. Giving him his sweater after he complained he was cold, even if it meant John himself got cold. Letting him eat from his plate, when Smitty was done easting but he was still hungry, no matter if he himself was still hungry.

Even little things, like giving Smitty his freshly made cup of coffee then going back to make one for himself. Or letting Smitty steal his last French fries or most of the popcorn during movie night. Lending him his scarf, when Smitty forgot his. All those times Smitty had stood pacing before him, bitching about monetization or stupid so called haters harassing the people in the comments. He never told him that what he felt was stupid or invalid. John held him close when it all became a bit too much. John kept him warm, he kept him safe. 

Tears formed in the corner of his eyes. Was he worth all of that? Was he worth all the care, the concern? Was he worthy of that love? As he looked up at John watching him with worry and compassion in his eyes, he blinked and let the tears fall.

In a painful heartthrob he realised that yes, he did deserve that. He was gifted a wonderful friend, who could maybe be something more. And he shouldn’t throw that away because he was too scared. A pained sound escaped his lips as he started to cry.

John carefully reached out to him and as he didn’t flinch away this time, John pulled him close. Smitty sobbed softly into John’s chest, buried in warm arms. John held the sweater in place, shielding Smitty from the wind. He softly rocked them, rubbing Smitty’s am in a way to comfort him. Softly whispering to him to let it all out.

When Smitty calmed down, John moved to wipe away the tears. “Why?” Smitty asked, his voice hoarse. John just looked at him as he used his sleeves to softly rub over Smitty’s cheeks. Smitty grasped his wrists. “Why didn’t I realise I was in love with you?” he whispered, a lost expression on his face,” I loved the friendship we had. I don’t want to lose that, I don’t want to ruin that. I don’t want to lose you. I’m afraid I’ll lose you.” 

Tears threatened to fall again as John softly shook out of the grip on his wrists. He cupped Smitty’s face gently in both hands, thumbs softly rubbing over red cheeks. “Why must you be so loving to me…? Why do you care so much about me?” Smitty asked softly,” Why must you be the most amazing person to me?”

John had a small smile on his face as he bumped his forehead softly against Smitty’s. They looked into each other’s eyes, brown into multi-coloured one’s, one pair full of tears and the other full of adoration. “You’re my best friend,” John said as if it explained everything,” And I love you.”

Smitty’s eyes widened and he gasped softly. “I love you,” John repeated,” And I care about you. And I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.” Smitty shook his head, as well as he could with John still holding I made you upset with me.”

John smiled sadly. “Wondering what I did wrong? Yes. Slightly mad that you didn’t talk to me? Only slightly. Worried as fucking hell? Definitely!” Smitty looked guilty. Before he could get lost in dark thoughts, John made him look at him by softly pinching his cheek. “I wished you talked to me, I could’ve helped you,” he said,” But I’m not and never was angry at or upset with you.”

H pressed a kiss to Smitty’s forehead. “But… I hurt you,” Smitty sighed. “Maybe. But I know for a fact you hurt yourself more, with that silly head of yours,” John said,” I want to be there for you, to make you stop worrying so much. To help you to stop being so afraid. I want to make you smile, to make you happy.” As John wrapped his arms around Smitty, pulling him to his chest, he whispered: “I want you to let me love you.”

Smitty put his arms around John, hugging back. “You do make me happy,” he mumbled. He let out a deep sigh, like a breath he didn’t now he was holding, and felt the weight of the world fall off of his shoulders. It made him feel relieved, but also exhausted. It’s what bottling up your emotions could do to you. He felt himself go weak, but John only strengthened his hold on him.

“You make me laugh with all your shitty jokes,” he mumbled. John pulled back a bit, faking being insulted. “Excuse you, you’re the one with shit jokes.” There was a twinkle in Smitty’s eyes as he looked at John’s raised eyebrows. A small laugh bubbled up from his throat. John decided that that was how he wanted to see Smitty, maybe without the red puffy eyes from crying, still sniffling slightly, but with the light and playfulness back in his eyes. Smitty pulled his arms back, grabbing John’s hands in his. They looked into each other’s eyes again and opened their mouths to speak.

“You have bear fists?”

A laugh escaped the both of them, John shaking his head and Smitty looking smug. “You can get off now, you’re squishing my legs,” John teased, referring to Smitty sitting on his lap. He could barely feel his legs, but he didn’t actually care. “Wow, you’re calling me fat?” John shrugged. Smitty punched his arm, earning him a shove back. 

They started to play wrestle, no one was really winning and they ended up with their backs on the grass, laughing out of breath. Smitty felt around on the grass, searching for John’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Smitty moved his head to look at John, noticing him already looking his way. Their eyes met and as Smitty looked into those multi-coloured eyes, he wondered how he had gotten so lucky. 

His best friend, the one who made sexual noises during every game at inappropriate times, the one who spat out the weirdest phrases and innuendos and who obscenely at his food straight into the microphone during a session of Golf It. The man who raged during Uno and shouted how he hated him, but made sure he knew it was a joke after finishing recording.

John felt slightly overwhelmed by the attention he got from the other. But as long as Smitty looked at him with so much unrestrained love and admiration, he knew things would be okay. He couldn’t wait to snuggle up with him and kiss him and hold him close and make him moan out his name- Okayy, let’s not get lost in those kind of thoughts. He was just really happy to have his best friend back. The one that targeted his ball during every Golf It session, the one who shot him on purpose in Rainbow Six Siege while he was AFK, just for a joke and the one who riled him up and made him lose his shit during stupid Uno games. He wouldn’t trade him for the world.

John squeezed the hand in his, making Smitty focus on him. “Hey Smithers,” he said,” The stars are beautiful tonight.” Smitty rolled his eyes. “You’re not even looking at the stars, dumbass.” John chuckled and said; “You know what else is beautiful?” 

Smitty gave him a deadpanned look. “And then I’m supposed to ask “who?” and you’re either gonna say something corny or something stupid that isn’t even remotely romantic like ‘ad revenue’.” Smitty rolled his eyes. “I know the meme John.” John tried not to laugh as he pulled Smitty closer towards him. He placed both hands on Smitty’s face and got even closer to him. Their breaths mingled in the cold night air as they smiled at each other. 

“You.”

John said finally, leaning in close to those rosy pink lips. Smitty closed his eyes, keeping still in anticipation. Before their lips could meet, Wildcat rudely interrupted them. “Oi! No fucking in the yard, keep it PG!” Tyler and Craig could be seen standing on the porch. They had been talking for quite some bit, watching the two interact. Craig hit him on the arm. “Tyler! You ruined their moment!” 

Tyler shrugged, making his way over to the two men lying on the grass. “There’s plenty of beds to do that in, inside the house,” he said, thrusting his thumb towards the premises. Smitty had moved away from John in shock, cheeks burning red. He had kind of forgotten where they were. Kind of. John looked disappointedly up at Tyler. 

“When you’re finally done kissing and making up,” Tyler said un-amused,” We are ready head inside, play a game maybe, see if the other’s haven’t broken anything while we were away.” John shrugged. “You never know with Nogla,” he said,” Also you didn’t quite give us a chance to kiss and make out.” Tyler shook his head. “I said ‘make up’ as in apologise for being such idiots, not ‘make out’.” John smirked. “Same to me.”

“If you two lovebirds are ready, maybe you can join is inside, I’m sure they’re all wondering when you’re done messing around,” Tyler said and walked away. Once besides Mini, he placed his hand on the other’s lower back and guided him inside. Smitty got up, dusting off the sand on his clothes. He took the sweater from off of his back and pulled it on correctly. He then extended his hand to help John up.

John kept hold of the other’s hand, smiling. He was not letting him go, he was too happy to finally hold him. As they arrived on the porch, John tugged him close, a hand on Smitty’s cheek. “Can I kiss you?” he asked. Smitty smiled, then nodded and closed the gap. It felt like a big relief when their lips met. It was soft and it was sweet and neither wanted to stop. They parted and Smitty was slightly disappointed.

After suppressing his feelings for so long, then getting interrupted every time, he hoped the kiss would last longer. Good thing that he could kiss John whenever he wanted from now on. Well, if the other wanted too of course. He turned around with a pout on his face to walk inside, but got stopped by John tugging on his arm.

Before he knew it, lips were on his again, but this time a tongue peeked out, asking for entrance, which he gladly granted. Teeth clashed softly and lower lips were nibbled on as they stood making out on the porch. Smitty’s hands were John’s way too long hair and John held Smitty’s face like he was made of precious porcelain, neither wanting to let go. But they had to, to catch their breaths. Smiles on both of their faces as they slowly untangled from each other. John dove back in for another one of those kisses, surprising Smitty. It made his knees weak and body shiver. This time it wasn’t from the cold, it was because he was too hot rather.

John pulled back with a smirk on his bruised lips and Smitty had to stop himself from pulling him back in for another kiss. “You good?” John softly asked, kissing the side of Smitty’s head. “I’m fucking perfect,” he answered breathlessly. John chuckled as he patted down some of Smitty’s hair. They probably looked pretty dishevelled, but they couldn’t care less. All John cared about was getting to kiss Smitty like that many more times.

“I love you,” he murmured. “I love you too,” Smitty said and gave him a quick hug. They then finally walked into the house, going into the living room. They were met by a very loud crowd, applauding them, and Scotty hollering at them how proud he was. “Oh shit,” John said, covering Smitty’s ears, making the other chuckle. “I guess we weren’t so sneaky as we thought we were,” Smitty said. John shrugged. “Or maybe they’ve been spying on us like some horny ass teenagers,” he said back, making the others laugh. 

As they went to sit on the two-seater, Tyler handed them a cup of hot cacao. “You two were outside in the cold for a very long time, thought you might need it,” he explained, before sitting back down next to Mini on the ground. “You guys wanna join?” Marcel asked, pointing at their current game of Cards Against Humanity on the coffee table. “Hells yeah, borther,” Smitty said, reaching for the deck. 

Once he got his cards, he snuggled closer to John. John wrapped his arms around the other, ignoring the fake gagging noises Brian was making. “Delirious says congratulations!” Evan said, looking up from his phone. “Tell him thanks!” John called back. “Will do.” 

Halfway through the next round and suddenly Craig points at Smitty. “Isn’t that John’s sweater you’re wearing?” Smitty looked down at the colourful clothing. “Yeah,” John said and pressed a kiss to Smitty’s temple. “We’re married now. What’s mine is his.” The other chuckled as Smitty rolled his eyes, jabbing his elbow in John’s side earning him a yelp. 

“Shouldn’t you take me out for dinner first?” he asked. “Sure,” John said, leaning close and stealing a kiss. “Hey! Hey! Keep it PG,” Panda complained. He blocked his eyes and Nogla’s with his hands. “Haha, very funny,” Smitty said with a deadpanned look, but laughed as he played his next card. He then beamed that smile John’s way, almost blinding him. 

He couldn’t feel happier. Except for maybe the time to come, where they could share a lot more kisses and affection. They could play games together and walk to their favourite spot in the park. John would take him out to see the newest movies and to fancy diners where he could share his dessert with him. Smitty would gladly tell everyone they were dating and show his amazing boyfriend of to every one around. Both hoped they could share a lot more moments, kisses and laughs together. 

“So,” Smitty asked, interrupting John’s train of thoughts,” Where are you taking me for dinner?” John hummed, a cheeky smile on his face. “I know a cute little café that you’ve probably never been to,” he said, emphasising the word ‘never’. Smitty chuckled. 

“Oh yeah? Surely it’s not the same place where they serve amazing milkshakes?” They both ignored Nogla’s mumbled ‘that brings all the boys to the yard’ or Panda’s confused answer of ‘why would go want to go outside, at this time?’. “Well…” John said, pretending to think about it,” They do sell milkshakes, which are consequently delicious. So how about it?”

Smitty placed down a white card on the table, before focusing back on John. “It’s a date,” he near whispered as he leaned closer to John. The other getting excited by the prospect of getting another kiss from Smitty. But Smitty placed a finger on John’s lips, preventing him from closing the gap. “But only,” he said, smiling softly,” If you finally let me pay for the damn milkshakes.” John smiled, removing Smitty’s hand and closing the distance between them.

Tyler hollered at them to stop being so cute and Chrissy began to wolf whistle as the other’s either cheered them on or adverted their eyes. As they pulled apart they were smiling widely at each other, slight blushes on their cheeks. John stared into Smitty’s eyes. There was no holding back anymore.

“Deal?”  
“Deal.”

-The End


End file.
